Dean X Male Reader One Shots

Death of Peace of Mind

Hey, y'all! Long time no fucking see huh? A lot of shit has happened since I last saw you, but I'm gonna be trying to get back into a regular swing of writing. I would like to preface this chapter by saying this is based on my own experience with mental illness. Hope you enjoy it! Linked above is the song in the title of the oneshot :)

Magnus

TW: Mentions of SH

Exhaustion is a heavy drug in your veins, but your brain is buzzing with thoughts. It never slows down. It never stops. You lay in bed scrolling through your phone absentmindedly tunnel vision zooming into the moving pictures on your phone.

"Hey, you alright?" The voice stirs you from the tunnel vision and you look up over your phone to see Sam. You nod wordlessly and go back to scrolling the little hits of dopamine making the anxiety swirling in your chest abate slightly. The bed sinks slightly as Sam sits at your feet, clearly unconvincing. He snatches the phone out of your hands and you glare at him, sitting up.

"What's the deal?"

"I know that look. You're using this," He holds your phone up for example. "As a means to escape whatever is bothering you. Come on, cough it up." You sigh that anxiety welling back up and making it hard to breathe. You curl up, back against the headboard, attempting to gather your thoughts. Sam sits patiently, waiting for your gears to stop turning. You inhale deeply and exhale slowly and begin to tell your story. You tell Sam about the constant severe anxiety that's been plaguing you for days now, keeping you up, and making it hard to breathe. You tell him about the panic attacks, the thoughts of self-harm that you were too afraid to act on, and the overwhelming tiredness that plagues you. You tell him about the violent mood swings and that deep well of rage that sits in the center of you. Sam seems to take all of this in stride and listens, nodding appropriately. He sets his hand on your leg giving you the soft 'I'm sorry' look.

"This must be so tough on you. Have you told Dean?" You shake your head in the negative. "Hard to open up to people, isn't it? Especially him." You nod your head in the affirmative, happy that someone understands you for once. "I can tell him that you could use his help with something?" You ponder the idea for a moment before agreeing. Sam takes this as his cue and gets up to leave. "We'll always be here dude. Just a call away or a poke away if it's Dean." He chuckles at his own joke as he shuts the door to your bedroom. You sit there for a minute feeling tired and defeated. The need to fall dead asleep is only kept at bay by the anxiety. What if he hates me after? What if he kicks me out of the bunker? What if he never wants to talk to me again? Those thoughts keep swirling until there's a gentle knock at the door and the sound of Dean's voice.

"Baby, can I come in?" You look up to see him peeking around the door, a gentle smile on his face. You nod and scoot over so he can sit down next to you. He wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you into his side. "Sam came and talked to me. I didn't even realize you were struggling so badly. Makes me kind of a shitty boyfriend huh?" His little chuckle is quiet and you bury your face into his shoulder. The comfort of his smell, the feeling of his flannel against your skin, and the heat from his body is all it takes for you to burst out into loud wracking sobs. He wraps you close into a hug and holds you as you cry. The air rushes out of your lungs in heaving cries as a tsunami of emotions washes over you. Everything that you had been holding back comes out. Every worry, every anxiety, every depressing thought you've had for the last month comes rushing out of you in a tumble. Every angry thought and violent impulse. Dean listens patiently nodding at the appropriate times and carding his fingers through your hair to soothe you. Your body finally gives up on the emotion and you fall quiet, tired from the exertion. Dean rubs your back letting you take your time to recollect yourself. You wipe your face with your sleeve and look up at him with red and puffy eyes. His soft smile is sad and you can see in his eyes that he's upset that you're hurting.

"I'm so sorry you felt like you had to go through that alone." He kisses your forehead. "All of those emotions must have weighed so heavily on you. I know it's hard when you feel like you have to do it all on your own but you know that I'm always here for you darling." His words make your heart pitter patter in your chest at his sweetness."I know it's so hard when you just feel like giving up and everything looks so dark. But always remember that I need you here with me honey." He cuddles you and talks to you for the rest of the day, the two of you spending some quality alone time together.

"I love you D."

"I love you too baby."