The Cabin

Layla: Does Sebastian Know

Layla

"Does Sebastian know?" I asked desperately. My sanity and grasp on reality depended on Mr. William's answer.

Sebastian is currently my only hope of getting out of here soon. I love Sebastian and know both in my heart and soul that Sebastian is my other half in this world. I have never loved as I love Sebastian. I have never trusted as I trust Sebastian. Before Sebastian, the idea of "home" was a place, now home is a person and I am feeling homesick. If Sebastian knew anything of his father's intentions or affections, I would break completely. I know it sounds dramatic, but I don't think I could ever trust again. I am a solitary person. I have made exactly one friend during each phase of school that I have gone through. I have many acquaintances, but I have one true friend from each of the different stages of my life. Sebastian is my college friend and he has quickly become my best friend. I never thought I would ever feel comfortable enough with another person to want to share every part of my life with. If Bash has betrayed me, I would break beyond recognition. I would simply spend each day waiting for Mr. Williams to kill me. Sebastian holds my life in his hands.

If Sebastian is ignorant of his father's plan. Bash would be looking for me. My family would be searching for me. The police would know I am missing. Neither Bash nor my family would ever give up searching. I would have something to hold onto in here. I would survive. I would fight to survive if I knew I was missed. They deserve to find me alive and well rather than as a corpse that needed identification. I would live for them. I would do whatever it takes to see them again.

Mr. Williams didn't answer my question, instead, he walked out of the cabin and locked the door behind him. I lingered in stunned silence. Because I didn't know the answer, I didn't know what to do. I ran to my bedroom hoping that Mr. Williams wasn't lying about no cameras being in there. Once I got to the top of the steps, I fell to the floor. I'm guessing that my body was weak from hunger and my emotions. I felt like I needed a hug so I gave myself one. I pulled my knees to my chest and squeezed. My face fell to my knees as well and I began sobbing. With nothing to distract me, all I could do was replay the last 10 minutes over and over in my head. I felt physically sick. My boyfriend's father had fallen in love with me. I thought this shit only happens in Wattpad stories. Once again I felt too overwhelmed so I began listing things out.

Facts I knew: Mr. Williams fell in love with me through Sebastian's eyes. Mr. Williams had me followed and privately investigated. Mr. Williams met me before I knew who he was. Mr. Williams loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. Mr. Williams wants me to fall in love with him in return. Mr. Williams won't let me go. None of this comforted me. Because Mr. Williams can't picture me in the arms of another, I am guessing he would rather kill me than let me go. I was trapped here. So much has happened that I was never aware of.

I began reliving the last 15 months of my life. I was trying to figure out how I was so oblivious. Fine, yes I walk to work, but I am always aware of my surroundings, I don't remember feeling like I was being watched. I didn't remember getting Mr. Williams a black coffee on a Friday. I don't remember him watching me intently at the Lakehouse. I was at a loss for both words and thoughts. I am not the girl that people fall in love with at first sight. I am a background character in my own life. I wouldn't notice if I walked into well...anywhere. I don't think I am ugly, but I am not pretty enough to hold the attention of strangers. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I am an average-looking college girl who came from a lower-middle-class family.

Family. My family. Thoughts of my family came flooding like a broken damn. If they didn't know yet, my family would know soon. I need to survive for them. As much as I wanted to fight, I knew deep down I wasn't going to survive this. I had a feeling in my gut that Mr. Williams was going to be the death of me. I couldn't cope with this. I loved Sebastian and I was loyal to him. I have already found my soul mate. How was I supposed to switch from one man to another? Mr. Williams craved my affection, he anticipated that our relationship would progress. How much of myself was Mr. Williams expecting me to surrender? I had planned on losing my virginity to Sebastian, only he could experience that part of me. How could Mr. Williams want it so casually? I am not a Christian prude who believes that a woman's value depends on her virtue. I am not a Christain, I don't know if I believe in a God above judging every moment of my life. I believe in myself and my own choices. I am a private person, and to me, sex is when you are the most vulnerable. You connect with another person in ways that words can't. I only wanted to connect with Sebastian, I could never even dream of even looking at Mr. Williams with a sense of tenderness. All I had reserved for Mr. Williams was resentment.

No. No. No. I couldn't even imagine feeling anything but resentment for Mr. Williams. Mr. Williams has effectively stolen my life from me. Mr. Williams has taken everything from me as though it means nothing to him. Mr. Williams came up with this plan on his own and thought it through, he thought over every step of his plan and never backed out. Every time Mr. Williams locks that front door, he is effectively choosing to keep me here. I will not forgive him for that.
I may not forgive him, but for me to live, I need to love Mr. Williams. I needed to love him and be convinced about it. Slow and steady. Day after day of connecting. My thoughts sent a shiver down my spine.

I needed to find my starting point. One thing to hold on to. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to see Mr. Williams as a stranger. If I had seen him in a store, what would have caught my eye? Mr. Williams wears good clothes. Could I hold on to him because of his clothing choices? Mr. Williams seems to usually wear button-down shirts tucked into dress pants. Mr. Willimas has a good sense of style I'll concede that. Mr. Williams coordinates his belt to his shoes. No. I can't love because of possessions. If Mr. Williams came here in sweats, I would have no foundation.

I needed to find a characteristic, something that would be around every day. Something to link me to Mr. Williams. I thought of his brown hair, it was shorter on the sides and longer on the top. It was long enough that if he were to put product or gel in his hair, Mr. Williams would have slight curls. Again, no. A haircut can change everything. I let my mind wander and I thought of why I loved Sebastian. I loved every aspect of Sebastian and it was so easy to love him. I tried to apply anything of Sebatsain to Mr. Williams and came up empty-handed until I thought of one similarity. Mr. Williams and Sebatsain had the same eyes. I had looked into Sebatsain's eyes thousands of times. I feel at home when I look into Bash's eyes. If I looked into Mr. Williams's eyes, could I visualize Bash? Could I copy my love for Bash onto his own father?

I began having an internal dialogue:
Do you love Sebastian? - Yes
Do you love your family? -Yes
Do you believe they are looking for you?- Yes.
Do you want to be found dead? - No
Do you want to be found alive? - Yes.
Do you believe you will see them again? - I hope.
How far are you willing to go to come out of this alive? - I would do anything.
Do you think the girl you are now, would do what it takes to survive? - No.
Are you willing to become a different girl while confined within these walls to see it through to the end? - Yes.

This is the exact moment I knew that I, myself wouldn't survive. Layla Whitmore wouldn't survive this cabin. I needed to tuck Layla Whitmore away into a box. I would bring her back when it was safe when I was safe. I picture the box I would place Layla Whitmore in and decided on the small musical box my mom gave me for my 5th Birthday. When you twisted the knob on the back and opened the box, it would play "You are my sunshine away" My mom gave me this box so that if she was ever gone from me, and I needed her, I could listen to the box and imagine her singing to me. I visualized tucking who I was in that box. I took a moment to grieve. Layla Whitmore would never understand what I was going to do. Layla Whitmore wouldn't survive what I had to do so she had to be tucked away. I began to wonder if Layla Whitmore would forgive me after all this. I began to cry because I felt empty. I felt like a shell of myself and knew that one day I was going to have to process this whole experience. I listened to the music box one last time and I sang the song along with it. When I finished, I closed the lid and clasped it shut. One day I would come back for her. I would bring Layla Whitmore back. Until that time, I was just Layla. I was going to be the Layla that Mr. Williams wanted. I didn't know what all he expected of me, but I would fulfill that idea for him. I could physically feel myself transform into this new girl.

I could learn to love Mr. Williams. I would love him. I would come out of this alive.