Penalty Love

Here's To New Beginnings

I’ve been laying here for about two hours now, afraid to make any sudden movements. I woke up feeling sick but with no headache. As soon as I tried to get up a sharp pain ran through my head. So, to avoid that and more, I decided to never move again. Not the best idea but it was working, until I had to pee and vomit at the same time. Accepting my fate I got up and ran to the bathroom just in time. I haven’t peed myself since the 3rd grade so I wasn’t gonna let that happen now. After freshening up, I decided to check my instagram as I am an addict.

I was tagged in a few posts about last night. 

“Jill, Lia, Beth, Kim and Leah?” I questioned the last post creator because obviously it was the last person I had expected. She made a post with photos of last night but the only one with me was a photo Katie took of us and we weren’t near each other in it. The thought of her reposting an image because she didn’t have her own was funny. The caption stated 

‘Let's welcome our brand new striker. Hope you score many goals, now that you aren’t getting tackled.’

“Peachy.” I don’t know why I said that but it was the only thing at the tip of my tongue. That girl had a gift of getting under my skin but I wasn't gonna make it that easy.

I liked, commented and reposted them but decided to not post anything as I want my contract and press day to be the first thing I did as an Arsenal player. After that was done I decided to get something to eat and then go for a run. I had a short training later as my final one with all the girls. I’d really miss them but hoped Arsenal would be a good new home for me.

My run was peaceful yet somewhat uneventful. Considering that the last time I ran on this trail, I got chased by a semi-small dog. That's the day I realized I could do track and field. After the run, I went to a cafe near my house. It was rather full but I was known there. I took pictures, signed stuff while my coffee was getting prepared. The cafe also had little books, and even though I had read them all it was a fun pass time.

After a while, the owner's daughter, Marisa, came up to me frantically. 

"Alex, I think you might wanna take this and go home." She said, handing me a baseball cap.

"What?" I was quite confused to say the least. She replied by taking out her phone and showing me a news headline. After reading it, I think my heart came out of my body and went across the street telling me we needed to go. I immediately opened my phone to find missed calls from my teammates and socials blowing up. Opening instagram the first post I see was made by Morgan. 

Apparently we were not the only ones having fun last night. By the looks of the video, they had a little more fun than us. Now Morgan was never one that cared what the media thought, so seeing her post a photo of her kissing a random girl is not surprising. I was quite confused though on why she'd post that when no one knows we broke up. My eyes then drifted to the caption.

"Here's to new beginnings. More field time, better people and better lovers? Let's go LIVERPOOL"

With every word that I read my mouth dropped a little more. This girl kept making my life hell and she was so happy while doing it. I took one last look at Marisa, shooting her a small smile, reassuring her that I'll be fine and hurryingly making my way home, not forgetting to bring the cap with me.

Luckily I got home without anyone really bothering me. Closing my door rather quietly I could do no more thsb to collapse on my floor. So many emotions wanted to come out, yet I didn't say a word, I didn't shed a tear. I just sat there, my house, still very  dark as  I didn't open the curtains this morning. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I skipped over all my socials and opened my messages. Almost all the Chelsea members left 5 to 10 messages asking if I was okay. There was also a group chat which I didn't bother to read as there were over 99+ messages.

I loved them dearly and they loved me. I knew they'd want to know every detail and while I wanted to, I just couldn't share that now. As much as I've been holding on for so long, I felt defeated. All hope of closing this painful chapter peacefully was now lost. It's only been days. You could call it a week. And yet it feels like an eternity. I never imagined that someone could change so much in a week. That person you thought you knew, inside and outside. The one, who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. She was now dead to me. I wasn't going to do anything about the media. I'd let it go with time. If I get asked, then I answer. I had no time wasting my breath and thoughts on her. 

Slowly I got up from the floor and went to get ready for practice. Somehow I knew it would have been longer than expected.

Upon arriving, I was greeted by hugs from everyone, even the staff. I had messaged them before, asking them to not ask questions immediately. They understood, when I was ready then I'd share. I did get there a little later than everyone else and ended up in the changing room with Millie only. She seemed to be done and was waiting for me as she just sat there tapping her toes and  whistling, well trying to.

"Waiting on me mate? That's sweet of you" I said with my head down as I tied my laces.

"Of course, One last walk with our star striker before she's off." She said in a jokily tone, trying not to make the conversation too serious.

"Aww I'll miss my favorite defender. The ones over there don't really like me." I said finally walking over to her and giving her a big hug.

"Only one of them, and she'll come around." She said, looking down at me.

I let out a sarcastic laugh which made Millie roll her eyes. No matter what she always saw Leah as a golden girl. I mean yeah sure, she wasn't tackling her at any chance she got. Even when it wouldn't get her team the ball. 

"Let's go and enjoy our last practice." She said releasing me from the hug and grabbing her water bottle. I followed behind her as we made our way talking about this I'd miss and things I wouldn't.

Training was like any other, we got in some good practice, had some fun and even nutmegged some people. I was the sole target since it was my last day but they didn't get me that easily. We were all told to do our routine quickly and make it to the canteen area for a goodbye party. I definitely wasn't ready, and I knew I'd cry. 

We all ended up in the changing room at the same time with one or two joining a little late. There was a slight silence today when normally, they were like loud toddlers. I knew what they were waiting on so I decided to deliver. After I finished getting dressed, I sat on a chair in the middle of the room with my legs crossed like I was a teacher.

"I don't have all day for sad stories so get settled quickly." I said in a stern tone which made everyone laugh, happy that it isn't affecting me that badly. They all took seats, even on things that weren't made to be sat on. At the end of the suffling, they looked like little kids ready to hear a story.

"Okay, so" I started to retell the story of everything. From her telling me about Liverpool to her posting on instagram. Leaving out no detail. I didn't cry, which actually surprised me as every time I thought about it, I started crying. At the end they all just sat there, staring at me.

"I'm done. You can talk now." I felt a sudden change in the atmosphere as they came alive again. Some came to hug me, some asking what I'm gonna do about the media and others scolding me for not telling them sooner. Overall they agreed it was better to ignore her. She was just trying to take away my shine as me signing for Arsenal was much more interesting than her signing for Liverpool. After a little more chit chat we all made our way to the lunch area for the little party they planned.

The party went very well. We danced, sang and of course drank alcohol. There was even a cake. I really would miss them, but I knew they'd always be my family. 

After I got home I really wanted to cry. Now come next week I'd be going to the Emirates. It all felt surreal and I needed sleep. I have a meeting with Jonas tomorrow and the tour. Beth had already agreed to give me the tour. I was definitely excited. A new chapter of my life was about to begin.