Aku selalu ada || Abdul Kahar

Manifesto

Tw: drug talks
2005 (Kahar form 4):

"Hi sayang." I turned around to the familiar voice and looked down at my watch. "Pukul 2 pagi kau fly sekolah?" I asked him.

"Rindu." Kahar shrugged and said. I walked closer to look at his face. "Kicap muka kau. Sesi restu ke?"
Kahar nodded. I sighed and took his hand in mine and pulled him to my office.

Lepas bapak masuk dalam, gym underground/spot lawan taruh ni aku la yang handle. Office dah jadi office aku. Rumah aku lama dah tak balik, bayar, tapi mainly I sleep in my office. Kalau aku tak fly sekolah masuk gym, aku tidur dekat asrama. Tu pon kalau aku boleh tidur. Kem Minda Sihat tu, minda aku sihat kejap je, 2-3 minggu lepas kem habis datang balik.

"Duduk."

Kahar sat down at the couch. I opened my drawer to find the med kit I stored. Aku ni bukan setakat wrapping, stitching pon boleh.

"Sikit je ni." Kahar tried to reassure me. I kept quiet and begin to examine his bruises. Tak ada yang darah. Okay lah.

"Kau marah aku ke?" Kahar quietly asked me, like a toddler who got caught doing something bad. He knew I don't like him fighting like this. He knew but did it anyway.

"Ini tradisi kudrat, sayang, kau pun tahu." Kahar tried to reason with me. I let go of his face and reached in my pocket for a roll of weed.

"Kau still ambik barang?" Kahar tanya, a bit pissed off but mainly concerned.

"Weed je rilek ah." I shrugged it off. Obviously, I grew up with all these things. I've done worse, I was an addict at some point. Anak penjual barang, tak kan anak tak pernah ambik barang?

"Sayang, you know-"
"Apa? I've quit everything. I'll quit this too. You expect I quit everything at the same time? You forgot how painful withdrawal was for me?"

Kahar bit his lip. "Okay." He responded. "I just tak nak you fall back. It was hard to watch you like that."

Memang waktu addiction aku teruk dia ada, waktu withdrawal pun Kahar ada. He saw me at my worst, withdrawal was painful, rasa macam nak marah je kerja aku, makan sikit muntah, minum air pon sakit tekak, pening selalu, rasa macam nak tumbang, nangis, tapi Kahar was there to hold me through all of it.

"Kau memang nak bertanding jadi Kapla ke?"

Kahar sighed and nodded with a hint of hesitation. "Aku tak faham lah benda ni. Kalau aku, memang gaduh tak boleh lari, customer lama bapak aku sampai harini cari, yang mintak kutip hutang pon suka gaduh. I have no choice. Tapi you? Sayang you have a choice."

"I don't." Kahar said and took my hands in his. "Kalau boleh aku tak nak, tapi ayah..."
"Sayang, your father is nuts."
"Tahu, tapi maybe just maybe kalau aku jadi Kapla dia bangga?"

I sighed and looked at him. Kahar looks defeated every time he talks about his dad. Ayah dia memang gila.

Tapi bapak aku gila lagi so I can't be too hard on him.

I took a puff out of the roll and blow the smoke somewhere else. "You ok?" I asked him. Kahar looked as if he has the whole world on his shoulders. Sometimes I wish I could just shut the whole world for him.

"Aku penat." Kahar sighed and laid back on the couch.

I hummed and smoke the roll. It's my last roll, I've been keeping it for whatever stressful thing that may come.

"Sparring jom?" Kahar asked with that playful smile he always has.

I laughed a little and blow the smoke out. "Kalau penat, tidur, bukan ajak sparring."

Kahar laughed along. His hand is still tangled with my free one. I could feel his thumb brushing my palm. "Kalau aku penat, aku cari kau." Kahar said sincerely.

"Malam-malam je jiwang." I teased him and he laughed.

"Esok sabtu. Kau ada hal ke?" I asked him. Kahar took a second to reply, probably thinking of the manifesto schedule. "Nope." He finally replied.

"Nak crash sini ke? Esok aku drive kau gi makan breakfast. Lepas tu boleh sparring."

Kahar smiled and nodded. "Boleh je cinta hati."

The music playing at the back stopped, I walked to the radio and place a new cassette. Hapus aku starts playing, earning a loud laugh from Kahar.

"Ini jiwang betul." He commented.

"Best apa lagu ni." I defended.

I opened the cabinet to find the blanket and pillow I've been using and took them.
"Ambik la." I said while handing him the blanket and pillow. "Kau tido mana?" He asked me. I shrugged.

"Not sure. Maybe tak tidur kot. Insomnia aku datang balik." I said casually. This earned a concerned look from Kahar. He stood up and walked towards me. Holding my face in his hands.

His thumb brushing my eyes lightly. "Berapa hari awak tak tidur, sayang?"

I sighed and think. "Cuba tidur semalam, dalam sejam aku terjaga."

Kahar nodded and looked down. He took a deep breath and looked up again, offered me a smile. One of his hand has dropped to my neck.

"Before semalam?"

"Tak tau, dua hari sebelum tu aku tidur? Sayang I can't control this."

"I know. Ambik couch, aku tidur kat gelanggang." Kahar said as if it was the final decision. He took the pillow and began to walk out. I grabbed him by the arm. "Better you take the couch. Aku bukan tidur pon."

"You could try."

"Memang la tapi kalau try pon tak tido."

"Lagi baik kau try tido dekat tempat yang comfortable dari tak try langsung. Sudah, aku tido gelanggang."

Before I could argue more he walked out, closed the door and settled down on the gelanggang.

I sighed and sat on the couch. Decided to finish off my roll.

I heard a knock from the office's door.

I walked towards the door and opened it. Kahar was standing there smiling, just like the first time he smiled to me.

" aku lupa something."

"Apa? Phone?"

"Bukan. Aku lupa wish." Kahar cakap sambil gelak-gelak. Macam-macam karenah budak ni.

"Love you sayang, jaga molek tido, tido jangang alih kanang, alih kiri, deh?" Kahar cakap sambil senyum, comel ISH.

Jarang dia berloghat dengan aku. Aku gelak sikit. "Comel loghat kau. Dah lah good night, sayang."

I closed the door and slumped on the couch.

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NEXT CHAPTER DATING LAGIH FUHHH kita add scene gaduh la baru nampak garunk