Aku selalu ada || Abdul Kahar

Daging

20006(Kahar form5):

"Kenapa awak rapat sangat dengan budak Prakash tu?" Kahar tanya aku sebaik saja aku melabuhkan punggung ke sofa di office. Nada dia agak tinggi.

"Anak buah Rahmat." Aku jawab and raised my feet onto the couch so that I can lay down comfortably.

"Tak kalau ya pon kenapa rapat sangat?" Kahar tanya lagi dengan nada yang kuat sambil berjalan ke arah almari. "Bukan ada apa pon. Aku layan macam adik ja."

Kahar tak bersuara, berjalan ke arah aku and handed me the pillow.

I opened my eyes to look at him. His eyebrows are scrunched, jaw seemed tensed, if he could blow smoke I think the smoke will be coming out from everywhere.

Dia kibaskan selimut tu then put it on me.

"Ye la tu. macam adik-adik. Rapat sangat."  He mumbled and sat next to me. Loosening his tie but leaving it hanging on his neck. "Tak ada apa pon." I repeated my statement.

Kahar is staring at the floor, his knees are brought to his chest. "Sayang." I called him. Kahar looked up to look at me. He's sitting on the floor near the couch, near where my hand is.

I raised my arm and placed my hand on his head, playing with his hair gently.

"Tak ada apa pon Kahar. Macam adik ja." I reassured him. "I love you." I added.

Kahar nodded and took my hand off his heand and held it in his. "Sayang awak jugak." He replied while caressing my hand with his thumb. "Takut hilang awak." Kahar said with the most sorrowful sound as if he's ashamed that he feels that way.

He's been through a lot. I understand that.

"Takkan hilang, sayang. Saya kat sini ja."

"Tidur." Kahar said softly. He's turned his body so that he's facing me. "Tidur, sayang. Awak sakit." He said to pujuk me.

"Saya ada kat sini ja. I love you, sayang." I keep repeating. Those turns into mumbles which then turn into nothing.

Last thing I hear before dozing off is Kahar's voice. "I love you more than myself."

I opened my eyes. The room is dark, there's no light from the window nor the lamp. I start moving to move myself off the couch. Badan aku rasa berat sangat. I turned the office's light on to see that I'm the only one in the office. The clock on the wall says that it's 8p.m.

Aku capai tuala, mula bukak langkah nak mandi di shower gym. "How are you feeling?" Prakash tanya sebaik saja aku keluar dari office. Aku angkat kepala to see that Rahmat and Prakash are together in the middle of the ring. Prakash has his hands wrapped in a hand wrap and so does Rahmat. Sparring la tu.

"Better." Aku reply sambil berjalan ke arah shower gym.

Sebelum mandi aku check telefon. Kahar tak ada tinggal apa-apa mesej, tak ada tinggal apa-apa nota.

Bila aku dah settle mandi, I go through today's mail.

My eyes widened at the letter's tittle.

"Uish parah." I mumbled to myself. Kahar needs to know about this.

——

Keesokan pagi kepala aku rasa ringan. Tidur cukup makan pun cukup. Kahar ada mesej semalam yang dia tak datang malam tu.

Waktu rehat aku duduk dekat dm. Serve makanan. Kahar datang depan aku dengan pinggan dalam tangan. "Japgi jumpa. Ada benda nak bincang." I told him sambil letakkan nasi dan lauk. Kahar nodded and sit with his friends. "Hi praky." I greeted him. Prakash smiled to me and took his food to sit at a table alone.

Tiba-tiba aku terdengar bunyi seperti sesuatu dihempaskan ke atas meja dengan kuat.

"Makan la. Nanti tak cukup protein nak lawan aku." Zahrin, kawan kepada Kahar, provoked Prakash. Aku tengok ke arah pinggan Prakash. Ada daging mentah atas nasi dia.

Prakash looks as if dia nak marah Zahrin but instead he just walks away. I turned to look at Kahar. Expecting him to say something, anything to suggest that he's against all this but he's just smiling mischievously. "Mia jaga jap." I told Mia who then nodded.

Aku keluar dari dm dan terus jalan cari Prakash. Completely ignoring Kahar's stare.

Aku nampak dia tengah duduk belakang tangki sorang-sorang. Muka dia masih marah tapi dia tak buat apa-apa.

Terus aku berjalan ke arah dia. "Kau ok?" Aku tanya.

Prakash angguk. "Biasalah." He said.

Dahi aku berkerut. "Biasa? Macam ni biasa? Benda macam ni tak patut dibiasakan lah." I told him. Prakash looks like he's so used to it despite him being mad. "Benda dia buat tu unacceptable." I mumbled and reached for my cigarette and lighting it up.

"Aku ada bekal. Kau nak?" Tanya aku lagi. Prakash always act cold and tough but he's still a kid.

"Takpe lah." He said. "Kau nak sebatang?" I asked him. I know he's sad but he won't show it. Dia dengan adik sama ja. Luar ganas tapi hati taman. Evidently, aku lepak dengan dia selalu. Bila aku sakit dia yang paling concerned. Dia dengan Rahmat sama ja.

Prakash laughs. "I never smoked before." And that interested me. "Really? Uncommon gila, you're in boarding school kot."

"Here I'll try." He said. I handed him the cigarette and he took a puff. Earning a lot of coughing from him. "Never again." Dia cakap sambil terbatuk-batuk. Aku tergelak.

He then smiled too. Bagus la.

"Thanks akka. For cheering me up." Prakash said before sighing and leaning his back against the wall.

I nodded.

"Sini rupaya." A voice said that earn an eye roll from me. I turned to look at Kahar who seemed tensed seeing that Prakash is here as well.

"Ya?" I asked him a bit on the angry side. I am angry. Angry that he, as the Kapla, would tolerate racism like this.

"Tadi kata ada benda nak bincang." He said.

Prakash was about to leave. Before he could walk past me I grabbed him by the sleeve. "Apologise to him first." I demanded Kahar.

Kahar looked shocked. "Apologise? Bukan saya yang buat." He defended himself.

"Kau kapla kot. You acted like Zahrin did nothing bad. Benda racist bodoh apa yang kau support ni?" I defended Prakash.

"Akka it's fine." Prakash mumbled while looking at me.

Aku geleng kepala. Tengok ke arah Prakash kemudian ke arah Kahar. "Kalau dia baling daging babi atas nasi kau. Kau rasa apa?" I asked him.

Kahar went quiet. "Aku mintak maaf." Kahar said sincerely while looking at Prakash. The taller boy looked shocked seeing that his Kapla is following someone else's orders.

Prakash then nodded and left.

"Menangkan sangat budak tu." Kahar mumbled and walked away.

Aku tak kejar. Aku biarkan ja. We need time to cool down