Aku selalu ada || Abdul Kahar

Pulang

Tw: od, drug abuse, relapse, self harm, suicide, death, depressive episodes,

2006(Kahar form 5):

Third person pov:

Kahar was wearing his school uniform, he's currently sitting on his made bed while looking down at the only thing that has been keeping him sane while staying in Kelantan.

His beloved daughter (plushie) Cahaya.

Whenever he's cried for too long and the picture of Ibu starts making him cry even more than comforting him, he'll take Cahaya out of his bag and cuddle the plushie.

With his eyes closed, hands wrapped around the toy, he imagines that Cahaya isn't a doll but a baby instead, his baby, his daughter. Kahar would pretend that he's grown older and grown past all these things. Pretend that he had married y/n, moved far away from Kelantan and they have a daughter and he treats her the opposite way his ayah would treat him. Kahar would treat his daughter full of love and nothing below.

Obviously he'll never tell this to anyone.

"We should check up on your mama." Kahar whispered to the toy. He wonders what she's doing. If she's eaten. If she's alright. If she will ever forgive him.

Because honestly she's right, Kahar had seen the worst of drugs and yet he follows that stupid book.

Ayah marah sangat kat Kahar. Bukan sebab Kahar bust semua tu, sebab Kahar kantoi ja. Ayah yang paksa Kahar ikut sangat kitab tu

Kahar tucked the toy in his bag gently and wait.

Wait for his ayah to call him.

Once ayah does, he had to prepare himself mentally for hours of uncomfortable car ride.

Ayah doesn't utter a word when they got in the car and the rest of the car ride. Ayah doesn't even look at him and Kahar should be glad but he's not. He's sad that his father won't look at him at all. He doesn't understand it.

Kahar would want to look at his kids all the time.

Once they arrive his father left one more remark saying he's useless and then left.

Kaha dragged his bag to the dorm which then he meets Hakeem. "My brother." Hakeem said and pulled Kahar into a hug. Kahar held Hakeem in his arms and sighed in relief. He's finally home.

Once Hakeem pulled away, Hakeem had cupped Kahar's face in his hand and trace his finger on the bruises. "Kau okay ka?" Hakeem asked the kapla who just nodded.

When Kahar starts unpacking he could hear a knock on his door. "Abang..." the voice said hesitant. Kahar turned and look, it was Naim. He's wearing baju melayu. Kahar pelik, harini bukan Jumaat. It was sabtu.

Bagi Naim, Kahar memang dia anggap macam abang ipar. Sebelum Kahar mula bercinta dengan y/n pon, memang Kahar selalu backup Naim. Selalu jaga Naim supaya tak ada batch Kahar yang buli dia. Dah macam abang dia. So when Kahar starts dating the woman he thinks of as a sister, Naim automatically accepts Kahar into the family.

Kahar dah biasa dengar Naim bahasakan diri dia sebagai adik kalau hanya diorang berdua. Naim bahasakan mak dia sebagai mak su dan sebagainya.

"Um.. akak ada call kau?" Naim tanya.

Dahi Kahar bertambah berkerut, dia okay tak?

"Ada tapi dia diam ja.."

"Aku rasa kau patut pergi rumah dia bang. Aku dah cuba tapi dia taknak bukak pintu." Naim explained to Kahar. "Pak long... pak long dah takda.. malam semalam dia meninggal, pagi tadi kebumikan. Tak ada sapa pon yang nampak akak sejak pak long declared mati dekat hospital. Pagi tadi akak datang waktu tanam ja, lepas tu terus balik. Dia nampak macam..." Naim said and trailed his words.