June March could hardly see, her vision blurred as she drove. She had been fighting back tears the entire ride back to her home, her body in physical pain from walking away from JJ. She could hardly grasp the concept of what had just happened, all she could feel was pain, and all she could think was anger.
How could he stand in front of her and tell her that he didn't love her anymore? How could he look her in the eyes and rip her heart out like that?
She wondered how much of their relationship had been a lie, when he had decided he didn't feel the same for her anymore, when he had come to terms with the fact that he no longer loved her. She grit her teeth as she pulled into her driveway, cutting the headlights off and then the car. The instant she turned it off she slumped forwards, feeling like someone was dragging a dagger through her body. Her head was hurting from how hard she was thinking, from how hard she was holding in tears.
She couldn't fathom a world where they weren't together, it was making her sick just thinking about it. She couldn't kiss him, or hold him, or even talk to him the same. He had hurt her and she would still have to be around him. They would still have to pretend everything was okay to their friends. She would be forced to be around the boy who destroyed her, for no real reason at all.
June opened her car door, making her way into the yard and towards the house. She got inside and the process to getting to her room distracted her for long enough, the girl closing her bedroom door behind her. She put her things down, pulling her shoes off and changing into pajamas.
She felt pure hatred in her heart as she sat on her bed, she hated him. June pulled her knees to her chest, closing her eyes and sucking in a deep breath. Behind her eyes she imagined his face, her stomach knotting and burning as she did. She let the breath out, opening her eyes and trying to think of something, anything else so that this torment would leave her.
Her eyes searched the room and she looked at the vanity, the brown leather wallet catching her attention. She tried to suck in another breath but it didn't even make it all the way in before she burst into tears, the silent sobs immediately wracking her body.
June cried as she rocked back and forth, the torture of knowing she was no longer his making her sobs longer and more painful. She ran through every scenario she could think of, all the ways he could still fix things but she knew she couldn't, she knew what she had told him. If it's over then it's really over.
She though tabout everything she wouldn't have anymore. His sweet kisses, his smile, that stupid nickname, a wedding, a real future. She watched it all go down the drain, her tears of sorrow turning into tears of anger.
How could he propose to her and then take it back? How could he tell her he wanted to spend forever with her and then one day decide he didn't anymore? She felt the burning of pain in her chest turn to a blaze of pure fire and vexation and she cursed him for ruining her life. He was right, he had ruined it. The second he had entered it he had set her up for failure and she had fallen for it.
She pushed herself off of the bed, wanting to throw things and burn pictures and cry and yell and scream until her lungs were empty and her body no longer ached but she couldn't do any of those things. She felt her thoughts turn dark and she let them, because it hurt too much to think of him as the good guy right now. He wasn't the good guy, he was in fact the villain. He had taken her love and abused it and had lied and cheated and still blamed her for the dissolution of their relationship. She was tired of taking the blame, and she was tired of being the one to apologize. She was tired of being the one who fought for their relationship. She was tired of putting endless effort into him, only to get this in return. She was tired.
Everything that had happened in the last few months reminded her of all the reasons why she was tired. She was battered and bruised and broken inside and he did nothing but contribute to that, nothing but add to it. She had been through hell and back, had almost died more times than she could count, been mentally tortured and ridiculed and abused and changed into this unrecognizable person who she couldn't even see as herself anymore.
June used her hands to wipe her face, sucking in sharp breaths and trying to control her breathing. She turned her head and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, her heart breaking for the second time that night as she looked at herself. She walked towards the mirror, sitting in front of it and taking the image in. She didn't like seeing herself like this, broken, battered and bruised but only where she could see it. It was almost pathetic, she hated being so weak.
Her face was red and puffy, and she hated seeing herself like this. How could he do this to her? How could he make her like this? How could he betray her? What about all those promises? What about all go that love? How could it just disappear?
Her breaths turned into sharp gasps every few moments and her tears dried, June staring at herself in the mirror. She pondered what she would do now, her eyes tracing her features as she stared at the heartache she could see on her face.
And then it hit her.
She wiped her eyes, the solution to all of her problems presenting itself on a silver platter. She didn't want to hurt anymore. So she wouldn't. June had been numb before him, she could do it again. She had done it with Rafe. She had shut out those feelings and hid them deep deep down. It had worked. She could do it again.
She watched as the blotchiness started to clear up, she watched as the dullness she was familiar with returned to her eyes and she couldn't feel anything inside for a moment. Nothing at all. And then she felt it, something new... something tempting. The embodiment of real pain and suffering bundled up and she was presented with her new sense of self.
Coldness. Darkness. Spite. She would make him regret it. She would make him regret it no matter what.
