"I'm tired of trying." June March whispered to the wind, her eyes on the river as the boat cut through the water. She had been trying to think of a way to get them out of here, to get both of them out but she was unable to come up with anything at the moment that didn't get at least one of them killed. Every time she looked at Big John she wondered if she should even trust him, if she should even try and put him in the equation. If she took him out of it her chances of survival went way up, due to the fact that she only had to worry about herself. The man beside her was a murderer but technically so was she.
"What?" Big John asked, having hardly heard her low whisper. She turned her head softly, her eyes heavy as she crossed her arms over her chest. She let out a sigh, feeling the truth of her words hit her hard. She was really tired of this, all of the kidnapping and murder and gold and criminal activities. She wanted a break....she wanted to go home. But once again she was reminded that home didn't exist for her.
"Nothing." She said in an empty voice, Big John furrowing his eyebrows at her. She hadn't meant for him to hear her, only for her to be able to let out the words that stuck to the inside of her throat and choked her up. She sat there and closed her eyes, wondering deep down in her soul what she would do if she got out of this alive. What would she do if she was given the chance to live?
She could imagine going back to school, hopefully being able to pass. She imagined prom later this year, her junior year. She imagined Halloween coming up and enjoying the holidays, Christmas with what little bit of family she would have left after she return from this bout of disappearance. Her parents were already sick of her, maybe she would spend Christmas alone. She imagined prom again, the image so vivid in her head. She's wearing a red dress, her hair pulled back and half of it falling over her shoulders. She's standing in the middle of the dance floor and she looks nervous, so awfully nervous. She's been stood up. The music turns slow and it's a song that she knows and she can feel the phantom heartache that comes with being lonely, she's got nobody there with her.
The music drones on and she glanced towards the door as it opens, hoping deep down that it's someone she can be around. Zach skipped the prom and she is fresh out of friends at the kook academy. Her stomach drops in utter surprise and her heartbeat stops all together when he enters...dressed in about the fanciest clothes she's ever seen him in, his blonde hair slicked back and his eyes holding a nervous gaze as he flickers across the crowd, trying to find her. She struggles out a breath and manages to take a step, and he sees her...and he melts, that look that he does so well on his face as he takes her in. How long has it been since he's looked at her this way? How long has it been since they've seen each other this way? She manages to speed up but he meets her halfway, June practically leaping into his arms and they pull her in so tight and she feels it...she feels safe.
June opened her eyes, breaking her own heart as she looked out at the water. Big John had been talking but she didn't care enough to listen, she found his presence very draining. He seemed like he was always hiding something. So instead she pondered on what she could possibly do to fix things now, given how bruised and broken all of her relationships were at the moment.
She closed her eyes again and now the image was imprinted on her brain, his arms so tight around her that she could almost feel it. She searched every bit of her mind for how she could still want him, after everything he had said, after everything he had done. He had looked her in the eyes and told her he didn't love her. When he had said it she knew he hadn't meant it, but it was just the fact that he had said it that hurt her. He had told he she was a bad person...that she had used him. That she didn't matter. Suddenly a conversation that they had on the island reentered her brain, and she let herself really relive that moment.
