Day in and day out
My own mind tries to kill me
It doesn't reason
It doesn't explain
It just decides it wants to die
You can't understand
The infection in my blood
You don't understand why
I don't just take my meds
And be okay for your sake
But you don't understand
My meds take away my "ness"
They make me not me
My meds just make me
An acceptable member
Of your broken society
I can't stand the pain
I can't stand the torture
I wish I didn't want to die
For your sake or hers
How about for myself?
I can't possibly explain
When I try so hard, I try
The words escape me
Sometimes, they come out
But it only makes sense to me
You can't understand
That every night I can't sleep
I can't sleep because I think
Of my words, mispoke
Misunderstood by you
In a conversation from 5 years ago
That nobody but me remembers
You can't possibly understand
The depths to which I sank
When I did things to be accepted
By those who don't know me
But those who do know me
They can't get a grasp
They can't understand
Because as much as I need them
As much as I need help
Good luck climbing over my walls
Good luck getting inside my mind
Good luck understanding
Why I called you at three a.m.
Just to discuss a pasta recipe
But little do you know
I was actually going to hurt myself
But I knew it would hurt you
So I called you at an inopportune time
Because I needed you to give me a reason
Now I can't die until I make it
See that recipe that you shared
At the hours of three a.m.
To you was maybe an inconvenience
But for me, it was a reason
See, sometimes I can't even make it
Through the seconds of the minutes of the hours of the day of the week of the month of the whole entire scary ass year
But now I've made it through one hour
Of a phone conversation with a tired mom
I've planned dinner and I can't miss that
I've got to taste your idea
God, it's torture
Torture being alive
Torture to want to die
Torture is all I know
I wish it would stop
So I keep making reasons
Reasons to smile
Reasons to feel
Reasons for you
So that you won't cry
So that you won't... be alone
BẠN ĐANG ĐỌC
Poems for the Mentally Damaged
Thơ Caa collection of poems I'm constantly working on. For those who know the suffering of mental health issues and those who humor my simple way of coping which is of course to write more poems to relate to from my darkest and saddest to the hopes of a y...
