𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣'𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙣

𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 𝒔𝒊𝒙

Saturn
• • •

If I had known I was going to die this week, I would have told him I loved him.

Perhaps that sentence could be considered misleading. I did not truly die during the week of November 22nd. My corpse still walked the earth after the fact. My wild brain still functioned, although I wished it would not. I still existed as a planet in the galaxy, but a weakened one at that.

The main thing I'd learned about planets during my years of studying them? They relied on each other. Planets were like people in that way, as I would eventually discover. If a planet loses her Sun, that planet would surely cease to exist. Everything it once was, and everything it ever could be.

But Suns were special planets, with orbiting patterns that created day and night. Every time the Sun left, the darkness would return. It was inevitable. During the night, the planet would lose the Sun's key qualities; his warmth, his light, his spirit. Dreadful things could happen during the night. Without the Sun's light illuminating her, the planet could become a dismal, scary place to inhabit.

Love was a difficult thing for me. I had never told a single soul I loved them before. Not because it wasn't true, but because the words were so foreign. I loved my grandmother, Regina, and even my brother. I had loved my mother before her tragic death. I never knew my father, but I loved him too.

And I loved Calvin. I always had.

Just as I had accepted that I had fallen for him, he had left me here, all alone. It had been several days, and he had not so much as sent me a text message. I had to move forward. But, I couldn't seem to figure out how to fill the Calvin-sized hole in my life.

Lianna helped sometimes. She would come to my dorm each evening to study together. Alice would join us when she wasn't at the shop. It was even better when we worked together. She didn't pester me about Calvin like Zaire did. The boys were supportive, but a little too intrigued by our relationship. Suddenly, I was Calvin's girlfriend in their eyes. I was not Calvin's girlfriend, but I did love him. I really loved him.

On the third night after Calvin's disappearance, I sat in my room alone. His absence was loud. My chest ached from sobbing for the past few hours. I wasn't sure why I was so shaken up by Calvin being gone, I just was. I loved him, and he loved me. It was odd. Something I had never had the chance to experience before. Love made every other feeling amplified by ten. Joy, passion, laughter. Sadness, heartache, and despair.

Nova leapt onto my bed, curling up on my lap. Somehow, she knew I had not been myself lately. She knew I needed her comfort more than ever. I stroked her back, feeling better.

I scanned the room for something to distract me. A reminder of him lay wilting on my desk. The white, now yellowing rose had begun to die with my hope of his quick return. It was a symbol of his promise to me, but his promise was slowly fading away with the flower's life. It was also the only indication that he had ever truly existed. That he had not merely been a figment of my imagination.

The rose was a promise, but it did not satisfy me.

Promises were just lies in disguise.