𝙨𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣'𝙨 𝙨𝙪𝙣

𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆

Saturn
• • •

Calvin's frame changed from a shadow to a material object. I could have touched him if I wanted to. I could have held his hand or even kissed him in this proximity. But I did not. I had grown used to the vacancy in my heart that he used to inhabit before leaving. I wasn't sure if I was quite ready to let it go.

"Am I dreaming?" I whispered.

"You tell me," Calvin murmured. His wit was real, as usual.

Perhaps I should rewind.

At the end of the second week of March, I was hurrying out of my dorm to meet Lianna and go to a second-year party together. What I saw in the corridor made me halt in my tracks. Rather, who I saw.

A Calvin-shaped someone approached me. It looked like it was really him, but something was off. He came back looking skinnier but with more defined muscles each time he left, but this time it was much more evident. His eyes were sunken with deep bags around them, and his normally pristine posture was slouched.

"I'm here, darling."

I was not ready for those words. Nor his embrace that followed them. I was still alone, in my mind. His surprise arrival seemed too good to be true.

When we finally broke apart, Calvin surveyed my outfit. "Were you headed out somewhere?" He asked.

"I was supposed to meet Lianna," I said softly, "but I'll message her and say I'm not coming anymore."

Calvin shook his head. "Don't cancel your plans for me."

"No, I didn't want to go anyway," I shrugged, pulling out my phone to text Liana. Calvin watched me carefully, running his fingers through my hair.

"Can I interest you in a shower?" Calvin asked once my phone was away.

"Are you saying I need to shower?" I asked defensively.

"No, love, I do," Calvin smirked, "I hoped you might join me."

"Oh, in that case, I'd love to," I said. Calvin took my hand and we went to his building.

In his bathroom, Calvin lifted me onto the counter. He stepped back from me to take his shirt off, then resumed our kiss. After all this time apart, it was hard to be so close and not have our lips locked on each other. In our brief moment spent detached, it was impossible not to take note of how thin Calvin was. He was muscular, yes. But in his time away, a layer of him had been stripped back, leaving a weakened version of the man he was before.

Before I knew it, I was naked on the bathroom counter. Calvin slid one of his hands onto my chest. "Your heart is racing," he murmured against my lips, "why?"

"Because I want you," I lied, knowing it was because of how anxious I was. Calvin was alive, but he was not himself.

"Oh yeah?" he smirked. I nodded, pulling away from him just enough to make eye contact.

He lifted me off the counter and started the shower. The space was small, but it would do. The floor was tile, so I hoped not to slip. Calvin took my hand and pulled me under the water. It burned, but I liked it. Scalding hot showers were the best ones. Perhaps the water would sear away my worries.

"There's something bothering you," Calvin said over the shower's volume. Sometimes, his ability to read me was frightening.

"I'm okay," I said, a weak reply. Calvin certainly did not look convinced. He wasn't going to let this go, was he?

He pressed me against the wall and I shivered at the cold. "Can I help you ease your mind?" he murmured. I nodded. "You know I need you to use your words, Saturn," he reminded me.