Python

C H A P T E R 49

Blue's POV.

"You almost bombed a person, what the hell were you thinking!"

"Speak to me like that again if you don't wanna see the sunset today, I dare you." I pushed him, causing him to fall colliding with the bricks of the building that was still in construction.

"Okay okay, I think that's enough." Max interrupted holding me back. A member of the crew helped Adrian to stand up from the bricks. He kept dusting himself, his elbows and hands bleeding.

"Don't ever. Find yourself in a situation where you forget who's boss." I reminded him. "Understood ?" I raised my eyebrows, turning his chin so he'd face me and he nodded mumbling a yes.

I turned and walked out of the demolished building, Max following my trail. We both got inside my car and he drove away.

"Are you fine ?"

"Yes." I replied, looking at the road ahead.

"You know you can talk to me." He calmy said. "You're not yourself today Blue, there's something bothering you."

"Oh my gosh I just made one mistake! One! And suddenly you all are on my back." I said irritated. "You all constantly make mistakes. But Blue makes a single mistake, then it becomes a big deal."

"You know that's not what I meant." Max retorted. "You've never committed such a blunder before, that's why I'm so worried about you."

"Well I'm a human being Max!" I shouted my eyes getting blurry. "I make mistakes, just like everyone else!" Tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to stop them. I'm really not having a breakdown in the middle of the road.

Max stopped the car and hugged me which made it the ultimate breaking point. I let my tears run freely as Max tried to comfort me.
"I'm just so tired Max, I'm really tired." I sobbed in his chest, my palms is my face trying to wipe the streaming tears.

Max held me close and let me cry my eyes out without saying a word. I was just tired of being this strong, unbending, unyielding and decisive person. I was just tired of being this tough, capable and courageous assassin. I just needed to be vulnerable for even ten seconds of my life.

I've keept my head held high while dealing with my shit on my own, just like I've always done. With no one to hold my hand and tell me it's going to be fine. There was so much going on in my life, and only I could be blamed for every little thing that comes my way.

The mistake I made today was the foundation for me, I almost killed an innocent person.

We were doing a day light robbery and I was supposed to be on the lookout. It was my responsibility to ensure the coast was clear before we bombed the bank, make sure there was no one closer to the machine. But I didn't see the teenage boy using the ATM machine before I told Adrian to activate the bomb. If it wasn't for Max removing the boy in time, then I don't know where we would've been right now.

I would've killed an innocent person.

It just feels like I'm making mistakes after mistakes, and nothing is going right in my life. I've been doing this since I was twelve, and in my entire fourteen years of being a gangster, I've never done something like this. I've never committed a mistake this big.

I'm mentally, physically and emotionally drained. My heart is just heavy and I'm really not okay. Everything feels exhausting, it's just too much. I don't know what to do because honestly, I don't have the energy to fight anymore.

I'm not depressed, I'm not broken or empty. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel. I just need someone to hold me tight and tell me everything's gonna be okay. A heart can only take so much..