Lloyd×Male!reader Sin Of Hope|Highschool AU

Why & Space

I was currently sitting in the boys bathroom by myself, halfway to a mental breakdown of confusion.

It was still early morning and classes haven't started yet, and I had all the time in the world to myself here because no one ever used the upstairs boys bathroom. So, here I was, by myself, wollowing in confusion.

You see, On the bus ride here, I couldn't help but notice the stares Lloyd got on the bus. The way he moved away from me slightly once he realized both, of us were getting stared at. Which, I didn't care about. They can stare all they want.

But what made me confused is why I got so fucking upset, over it. As I said before, I've spent years secretly defending Lloyd and trying to befriend him. He says seemed out of reach. And, he still was. But, I've made progress and he's my friend now. But I still can't understand why I'm doing this.

You see, my entire life I've been independent, hated attention, and despised people. I would often, very often, close myself off in my room due to not wanting to socialize with neither friends nor family. That was just me. And it got even worse once my parents got promotions to CEO's. They started going on trips and I stayed at home by choice, which they never quite agreed with, but let me do as I saw fit in the end.

I distended myself from everyone, and became very aware of the fact that despite what people would say, I didn't need anyone.

I hardly was online, mostly reading or watching videos or playing f/g.

Then Freshman year started. Everything came back in full swing and I was sick of all the attention I received. It made me so uncomfortable sometimes I wanted to vomit whenever someone would touch or talk to me.

Then I saw Lloyd.

That isn't much to explain.

I was walking down the hallway and I caught sent of marshmallow and bonfire, and a mix of Polar Ice cologne. I looked up and saw the albino boy walking down the hall and...I guess the proper words would be I was in-captured. Something about him drew me in and I started trying to be his friend. Which...now that I think back on it, my attempts were shitty. Really shitty and I understand now why Lloyd never accepted my "friend request". Because I don't think asking for homework answers and sitting by someone making random conversation topics counts as trying to become friends. Or maybe we were both just really oblivious, who knows.

But I still wanted to know what this beating in my heart was. At first, I thought it was adrenaline. Then, I thought it might be a health problem so I got checked and nope,. I'm perfectly healthy. (Though the doctor did say I could cut back a bit on f/s..)

I sighed and ran a hand through my h/l, h/c hair, I would have to think about this later, I needed to get to science.

______

On my way to class, I saw Alyssa and Chen talking. There were a few jocks and cheerleaders around them as well. I went to walk past, but Alyssa caught me and smiled wide. The jocks grinned and the cheerleaders flushed, while Chen smiled nervously and waved, rubbing the back of his neck. Damn, if I didn't yell at him and he still acted like this, I would think he had a crush.

"Hey baby!" Alyssa smiled and went in for a hug. I visibly cringed and tensed, I pushed her back lightly, not trying to hurt her. I didn't like being touched.

She pouted with a sigh but her smile only flattened a little bit.

"Are you sitting with us at lunch today," one of the cheerleaders asked, twirling her long, brown hair. "No." I said simply. "You never sit with us anymore after you started to hang with Garmodon!" Alyssa finally snapped, crossing her arms over her busty chest. "I hardly sat with you guys before, sitting with Lloyd. And that's none of your damn business Alyssa." "I'm your girlfriend! Of course it's my business." I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists. "No, you're not. And brief information Alyssa, His name is Lloyd. And say it with respect. I don't know what the fuck your problem with him is, but you need to knock that shit off because Lloyd is my friend- one I'm not giving up and I don't give a damn about your fucking opinion on that so shut the fuck up and leave me alone already!" I yelled. Alyssa stepped back in surprise while the jocks shuffled all but one. Kia. His eyes shined with pride, a small smile forming on his face and I slightly smiled back at him before turning around and walking away.

If you we're wondering why I was dating her, it's because I loved her at one point but I'm falling out of love and I know it. She had never been in love with me in the first place and no matter how hard they tried to hide it, I knew her and Kia bad slept together. How? He told me. He felt so damn bad about it because he was drunk and didn't remember much.

I made it to the classroom and all negative emotions vanished when my eyes met Lloyd's.

I smiled and went to go sit with him. "Hey," I said. "Hey," he replied with a smile of his own. I ruffled his snowy hair and sat down next to him, trying to get as close as I could without being weird. "Has she said what we're doing today?" Lloyd shook his head. "Not yet, but I think we might be going to the Planetarium again." I was kicking my feet absent mindedly as he spoke and I couldn't help the giggle of exciment I let out when he said that. I coughed to cover it up though, hoping he would dismiss it. But alas, Lloyd loves seeing me suffer so he laughed and asked me "You really like space stuff don't you?" I felt my face heat up and tried to stop the splitting smile on my face from appearing but it forced it's way onto my face so I just hid my face in my hands, making Lloyd go "awwwww, don't be embarrassed!" Which just made me more embarrassed!

"Yeah, I umm, I really like space stuff," I said once I got my body under control. Lloyd handed me a book and our fingers slightly brushed. Part of me wanted to cringe but I legit couldn't. I flushed slightly again, and that beating in my heart jumpstarted once again.

I froze. Why was this happening? I let out a sigh. "Y/n?" I looked up. "You okay," Lloyd asked, his emerald eyes shinning as bright as a green feild on a summer day. I smiled slightly at him. "I'm okay Lloyd, just a bit tired. Alyssa has been on my ass about everything and anything all week." Lloyd smiled sympathetically. "Sorry to hear that," he said softly, resting his head on my shoulder. I expected to feel disgusted, or cringe even just a bit. But, it never came. I looked at Lloyds hand and smiled softly, happiness bubbling up inside of me. I grabbed his hand and took it into my own, entwining our fingers.

His eyes went wide and I smirked. I started playing with our hands, waving them, nodding them up and down like a three year old, getting Lloyd to laugh. "What are you doing?" He laughed. "I have absolutely no fucking idea dude," I laughed back.

Suddenly, the teacher walked in. "Alrighty class, get your backpacks and anything you have about your project and get on bus 2."

Me and Lloyd looked at each other and smiled, grabbing our things as fast as we could and racing each other out the door, louding up into the back seats of the bus.

"Hopefully we don't get attacked this time," Lloyd joked. I laughed. "Hopefully," I joked back. "Space is so cool," I said. Lloyd nodded in agreement. "Hey Y/n?" "Hmm?" "Wake me up when we're there?" I smiled. "Always."

***

Lloyd fell asleep on my shoulder again. I slowly placed a hand to my heart. Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!

I let out a strangled breath. Gods, what was happening to me?

I glanced over at Lloyd's knocked out figure and my face heated up. Oh well, I thought to myself. I'll figure it out later....but right now..I could refuse a nap. And so, I fell asleep leaning on Lloyd's head once again.

I thought that I would've felt weird, disgusted, violated...but...it fekt so right. Like...like he was made to be in my arms. And for now, I'm positive he was.

Only him. I only want him.