Why are my hips so wide?
My shoulders too?
Should I look like this?
All questions I ask myself every morning before I wake up
Am I good enough?
Am I not?
Why don't I look like her?
Why doesn't he look at me the same?
Why doesn't she?
What's wrong with me?
Is there something wrong?
Do I need to change?
No; people tell me
Yes; the others say
'You're not perfect'
'You shouldn't change yourself, but of course you're not the best'
The feelings leave me drained
Dry
Crying
My tears are the only water in the desert
People make me cry
Make me sob
They go from people you know and understand
To people who don't care and you can't understand
I feel like I'm on fire
Every time I speak
My throat constricts
Should I have not said that?
'Can you be quiet for once?'
I never say anything in front of that person again
'Mate, you never speak anymore, you're too quiet'
I still refrain
Their words remain in my head for what seems like an eternity
They don't care
I don't understand
But I should care
And I should understand
So should they
Why don't they?
Why am I not the same?
What makes me so different?
Why am I not perfect?
How can I change?
—Lila • May—
