I never understood the term butterflies
A partner or crush was ever able to make me feel that towards them
But now
After finally finding out what the term means
I understand why people feel ill after
Once you get butterflies there's no going back
It starts in the lower navel of your belly
Travelling up into your cheeks and makes them a perky shade of pinkish red
The feeling increases, making your lips feel softer and heavier
Your eyes are stuck staring away from them because you can't look them in the eye
The small feeling in your belly can be caused by anything they do
Whether it's them saying your name
Whether it's them having a slight rasp or hoarseness to your voice
Whether they smiled at you
Whether they made eye contact with you
And even when you walk past them
Butterflies are like the sweetness to anxiety
You're frightened you're making it obvious, but it feels so gentle
Such a blissful feeling
It's like your belly is empty
Filled with nothing
But a small gush of wind overtakes the nothingness
For me
It's when I see him
When he looks so happy and peaceful
When he's hanging out with his friends without a care in the world
I know that after I feel them
If he tries to make eye contact with me,
I melt
I melt into a small puddle on the floor
My cheeks can't help but become puffy and pink
I can't help but smile and get all giddy
Like a child getting sweets
Just him acknowledging me is enough to send my mind travelling at one hundred miles an hour
But I'm okay with that
I'm completely and irrevocably in love with this boy
He will probably be the last person I manage to feel this for
But I'm okay with that
I know that I've never felt this way about someone before
Only him
I wish I could explain this to him
I wish I could just run up and scream it
But he doesn't feel the same
No matter how hard I try
He never has and never will
—Lila • May—
