AFTER DARK | Johan Liebert

Chapter 7: My Darkness

I hadn't seen Johan since that Friday night. Today was Wednesday, and it felt like I hadn't talked to him in forever. I wasn't even scared of him. I was just... wondering. Wondering why he suddenly acted like another person that night. For a moment, I had thought that he wanted to kill me by pushing me off the roof, but I had a feeling this was not necessarily about me.

I didn't stop holding on to his sleeve until we left the abandoned building, not looking at him one single time. "Where is your car?", I asked him. He pointed at the street. "I parked it in this street. It's a silver Golf 4." We walked down the street until I spotted his car. I stopped in front of it, finally looking at him. His face did not show a single emotion.

"Give me the keys."

His hand slid into his pocket, and surprisingly, he gave me the car keys without any complaint. "Get in", I said before opening the driver's door.

As we drove through nighttime Hamburg, none of us were talking. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was just staring at the Autobahn, thinking. I bit my lip. It felt like he was in his normal state again. But what exactly was his "normal state", or his true personality? As I kept driving, a suspicion inside of me started growing, and I couldn't help but wonder - what if he wasn't deep in thoughts? Perhaps he just wasn't able to look me in the eye?

When we arrived in our neighbourhood, I spoke up. "Where do you live?"

"Dorfstrasse", he answered quietly. "There should be a free parking space at the end of the street."

Without saying anything more, I drove to the end of the street and parked his car there. I took my bag and the car keys and left the car, which Johan did as well. I walked around the car and stood opposite to Johan on the pavement.

"These are yours." I placed the car keys in the palm of his hand.

"I should walk you home", he whispered, still avoiding my eyes. "It's not safe at this hour."

"I'll be fine." I looked towards the ground. "... I think this is where we should say goodbye for tonight."

I turned around, ready to go. One last time, I turned my head to look at him, and my heart skipped a beat when our eyes met. The look in his eyes... he was torn. I could feel the pain inside my heart.

"Klara... please don't tell anyone what happened tonight."

"..." I looked sideways. "I was never going to. Sleep well, Johan."

Then, I went down the street, towards home.

Now, there was no sign of him. I didn't dare come home to him because I felt like it was a bad idea, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. There was so much more to him, so many things I didn't know... and I had the feeling I shouldn't have seen this other side of his last Friday. What did he go through? How could he go from a child in an orphanage, to Schuwald's secretary, to an inconspicuous student? At first I thought we might be similar... Oh, had I been wrong.

He wasn't with the children from the orphanage yesterday, though it was Tuesday... Perhaps I'd see him tomorrow? Then, we might be able to talk. And I'd tell him that I wanted to start over.

I hadn't seen anyone since Friday. All I did was staring at the ceiling, thinking about what happened. I had been positive that things would be fine. That I'd move away, start a new life, and get away from everyone I used to know - from Anna, Dr. Tenma, and my mother - though I hadn't seen her since my childhood.

'But it's all in the past. I can't be angry at her forever, can I?'

Those words echoed in my mind. She let go of her sorrow and moved on, just as I had been planning to. But apparently, I never succeeded, and I had only realised that in her presence. When she asked me about my past. When she found out about Schuwald. Her words had flipped a switch inside my head, and suddenly, I led her to that abandoned building, thinking she already knew too much. Not only that - I had an assumption about her true identity - and that would have made things even more complicated, if I was right about my suspicion. That Friday night, I had already pictured her falling off the rooftop-

Until I was pulled out of the darkness. I didn't dare look her in the eye, but I sensed her gaze on me. I couldn't figure out whether it was worry or anger written all over her face.

Surprisingly, she wasn't even scared of me when she drove us home. She had just taken control of the situation and done what she thought was right. I sighed. She wouldn't have done that if she knew who I was... right? I thought that part of me had died the moment I woke up after my coma, but it seemed like it was looming deep inside of me. And she had seen a glimpse of it.

But I could still change that. I could still cut our ties. It was not too late.

Tomorrow was Thursday. That would be the day.

So that the past would not be repeated again, and that no one would see my darkness again.