AFTER DARK | Johan Liebert

Chapter 18: Vareniki and Mors

On the Friday of the same week, which was three days later, I was called to the principal's office. I didn't know what I had done this time, but at this point, I didn't even care anymore. I guess I had finally earned the sufficient self-respect. But when I arrived at the office door, my jaw dropped.

Mrs. Müller was smiling at me.

"Mrs. Gillen, good morning! Please come in."

Oh no, I know where this is going.

I sat down in front of her. She was still being all bubbly.

"Thank you for helping out in the all-day care. I assume it must be exhausting for you."

"It's fine, thank you."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to work in the afternoon anymore."

Immediately, Johan came to my mind. Of course I'd see him every now and then, but I didn't want to miss the opportunities I had on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

"It's fine, really. I like to take care of the students."

"Is that so? That makes me happy. I didn't know you were as brilliant as your father!"

I didn't know whether that was supposed to be a compliment or an insult.

"Anyway, I need to head back to class."

The principal nodded enthusiastically. "Of course, Mrs. Gillen! Have a nice weekend!"

I stood up. "Thank you, Mrs. Müller."

My weekend will be wonderful, and I can't wait for work to be over.

The day passed by in an instant - luckily. Once I got home, I hurried to the main door since I needed to prepare everything for Johan's visit. In the corner of my eye, I noticed a letter in my postbox. Once I pulled it out, I saw the envelope, and it looked quite familiar. It was the annual invitation by a friend of mine. I grinned happily as I entered the building.

I had to hurry now. Portion for portion, I put the dumplings I prepared into the boiling water. In the meantime, I set the table, more beautifully than ever, with a pretty colourful tablecloth, the cake in the middle, and our cutlery. Then, I ran over to the pot, got the dumplings out of it, and put the next ones into it. After that, I took two glasses and opened the bottle with the fruit drink, pouring it into the glasses and placing them on the table. When I was just finished cooking, wiping my forehead in exhaustion, I heard a knock on the door. Excited, I took off my apron and hurried to the door. I opened it, and he stood there, looking flawless as always.

"Hey, Klara."

He was smiling until he saw my face. I was probably huffing. For a moment, he looked at me in slight confusion, but his normal expression returned.

"This is for you. Thank you for the invitation."

He gave me a blue bag. I could see two small cakes in it. "Thank you, Johan. You didn't have to bring something." I grabbed a coat hanger and took his suit jacket. "Of course I'd bring something. You put a lot of effort in our date, judging by the delicious smell."

Date? Well, technically, he was right. I caught myself being quite embarrassed, though.

"Anyway..." I placed my hands on his shoulders from behind, "you go to the dining room already, I'll be right back." I went to the kitchen and brought out the dumplings. He was slightly astonished by the food.

"That looks amazing. What are these?"

"Vareniki", I answered, placing them onto the table. "Self-made from start to finish." "That must have been a lot of work." "Yes, it was", I said, sitting down, "but not too much for this occasion." Johan slightly smiled when I said that. He observed the table with his eyes. He seemed to like it, and it made me happy. "Well, guten Appetit!"

As we ate, I could still see that Johan was looking at the table, observing the details. "This feels like a nostalgia I've never known", he mumbled, looking at me. "I prepared everything as it used to be in my family", I answered quietly. He averted his gaze again. "Family, huh..." I pointed at the drink in his glass. "You need to try this one! It's Mors. I bought it a a Russian supermarket, and it's really good!" I could feel myself get a little too excited, but it didn't bother Johan. He smiled again, as he did so often. "I will. Thank you."

Apparently, my assumption about Johan had been right. He was calm as always, but I could tell this kind of thing was new to him, and that he enjoyed it. He probably never had a real family, and didn't have any contact to his sister. Just seeing him enjoy the food warmed my heart.

"By the way", I mentioned, "I received an invitation by a friend of mine. She throws motto parties every year, and this year's will be in May. Would you like to join me?" "You mean going as your partner?" I nodded. "Yes. I'm sure you'll like them. The company is always great and it's a lot of fun! This year's motto is celebrities." I blinked at him a few times, giving him a please-go-with-me look. He chuckled. "Well, I can't say no if you look at me like that, can I?" "Yay!" I drank the last bit of my Mors. "I'll go as Marilyn Monroe. I only need to decide which dress I'm gonna wear."

After half an hour, we finished eating. "Thank you for the food. I didn't have such good food in a long time." I stacked the empty plates on the table. "Wasn't there a time in your life when someone else prepared food for you? Like, other students for example, if you lived in a shared apartment?" "No, not really. Though there was a time when my hitman made delicious cocoa for me..." I almost let the dishes fall, then laughed out loud. "Johan! You can't tell jokes while I'm carrying plates!"

In the end, we cleaned the dishes together - against my will, actually, because Johan insisted on helping. As usual, we were only talking here and then.

"So, what are you up to next week?", asked Johan.

"I'll prepare for the class visits", I answered, "and we'll visit a police station. The children look forward to it very much." I looked at him. "And you?" "Oh, just uni stuff", Johan said. "And looking for a good costume, of course." My heart beat faster when he mentioned the motto party. I must have grinned like an idiot. "I'm so happy you'll go with me! This is going to be the best party ever!"

Instinctively, I re-thought my words. It was the same feeling I had when Johan and I had talked about my father. I wanted to show him how much I cared for him, share my feelings for him, make him happy. But even if I managed to bring my point across, I still had doubts deep inside of me. 

If I showed him all of me, all of my feelings for him - would he slip away?

He smiled at me after he heard my excitement. But could I trust him? He didn't give me a reason not to. It were the voices in my head, trying to isolate me. 

'Who would want to be with you?'

'Of course I'm fed up! Look at you!'

'Stop crying, damn it! Don't act like the victim! You never loved me, didn't you?"

No! I shook my head, trying to get rid of the voices.

I wouldn't let them win. I knew Johan would not say that to me. He had never been condescending towards me. I glanced at him, his light hair shining in the evening sun.

Please don't hurt me, Johan. I beg you.