Us Forevermore // KSI // Sidemen

Is This Really What You Want?

Jasmine's POV

"I don't know it just made me think over this relationship.." I said with a sigh as Mom handed me a cup of tea.

"You both are good together but just think over what's important to you and I'm not going to give you my opinions or force you to do something, whatever you decide I'm good with. It's your life Jas." She said as she rubbed my back in comfort.

"Whatever happens happens at this point cause the last time I thought things would be perfect they didn't turn out perfect." I said as she nodded.

"Anyways when are you leaving for Talia's house." Mom asked before taking a sip of her hot drink.

"In a couple of hours, so I think I'm going to go get ready and get Kiara ready." I said.

"Are you sure you want to take Kiara, I can take care of her for the night, you go have fun." Mom said as I shook my head.

"It's just a movie night mom, everyone likes Kiara and keep asking for her and it's nice for Kiara to have some connections with them too." I said as mom nodded .

We then finished our drinks and washed out cups before I went to wake up Kiara from her sleep and get her ready to leave.

We soon got ready, bid mom goodbye and took a cab like usual to Talia and Simon's place. We reached there after a small drive and saw that most of the group were already there.

"Hi lovely ladies." Talia greeted us as she opened the door before lifting a giggling Kiara up and giving her a hug .

"We may as well move in here with how much we come over." I said as she giggled and let Kiara down.

"I would more than love to have you move in and you know that." Talia said giving me a hug.

"I know I know..." I hugged her back with a chuckle.

"Come in everyone is already here." Talia said pointing us towards the living room.

"How are we always late." I said shaking my head making Talia laugh.

"Puppy....." Kiara cheered as we made our way into the living room before she ran to pet the puppy that was by the side of the room.

"Hi Jas....." The girls all greeted my cheerfully as I made my way to them.

"Hi lovely ladies and hi you dickheads...." I said with a smirk as I greeted the boys too.

"Wow I see how it is..." Tobi said as the boys rolled their eyes in unison.

"Nice to see you too I guess.." Josh said as he took a sip of his drink.

We then sat and talked for a while and like you could guess Kiara kept gravitating to JJ as they kept themselves busy playing catch with a small bouncy ball that I don't know how Simon had in his house .

"She does seem to like JJ very much." Talia whispered in my ears as I sighed.

"It's so weird Talia, I don't know how it's happened but she likes him and she rarely likes someone so quickly." I said looking at her with a certain sadness in my heart.

And the worst thing about this sadness was that I don't know why I was sad. Was I sad that my daughter likes the man I spent years keeping her away from ? Or was I sad that I had taken away years of parenthood from that man ?

Surely I can't be sad over that , he let me down when I needed him most. He's the bad guy in this story, not me.

"Hey do you like want to come help me get some snacks for the group." Talia asked as she brought me out my trance.

"Sure..." I said as we then got up and went to the kitchen.

"How's Jordan doing, it's been a while since we've seen him." Talia said as we reached the fridge.

"He's busy I think, some work related stuff. " I replied as she nodded but I could feel she wanted to ask me something more.

"What's wrong, something bothering you babe." I asked her as she sighed.

"Are you happy? " She asked as she came over and held my hand which confused me.

"I am T , why do I look unhappy...." I asked with a chuckle as she shook her head.

"It's just that after last time , I noticed that you keep thinking over something with JJ and Kiara, I just want to assure you that you have all of us to come talk to if something is on your mind , we are family babe and I don't want you fighting those thoughts alone when we can help." She said as my heart melted. I was so lucky to have these group of friends.

"It's fine T , I'm good, it's just that sometimes I don't know how to explain it , I almost feel guilty you know. Like I feel guilty of taking a father figure from Kiara's life and I feel guilty of taking the joy of fatherhood from JJ... I've never felt this when I didn't see him all these years but seeing him with Kiara and her liking him it all feels too much like it's almost overwhelming." I said looking down at our hands as I finally told someone how I was actually feeling. It was nice to finally get all this off my chest.

"Oh love... I never knew you had all this on your mind." She said giving me a hug as I sighed and gave her a tight hug back.

"Mommy......" I heard Kiara's voice call out for me as she came running into the kitchen.

"Hey angel what's wrong." I asked concerned as I bent down to give her a hug.

"I'm hungry..." She said with a chuckle making me and Talia giggle.

"Come on lovely, we'll get you something nice to eat." Talia said as she took some snacks and a piece of cake out from the fridge for Kiara to eat.

Usually I would be wary of letting Kiara eat all these sweets but I know anything I say will not affect Talia, she will make sure Kiara is happy.

We then got some snacks for the group and Talia went to serve them as I stayed behind and made sure Kiara ate properly and didn't make a mess.

After a while I felt someone walk in , I turned to see if Talia had come back but it was JJ.

"JJ.... " Kiara cheered as she gave him a high five.

"Hey Jas..... I didn't want to intrude but when I brought Kiara here I heard you Talia talking...." He said in a whisper as he turned to me.

Oh no , he heard everything. What if he gets the wrong message.

"Look I just wanted to say you have nothing to feel guilty about, I was the one the messed up and I deserved everything I've got and I don't want you to beat yourself up over it . I've told you how sorry I am but again I'm sorry for everything.. , just don't take it too hard. You're doing an amazing job as a mother and don't let anyone tell you any different." He said as it felt like he too had all this on his chest.

"I'll leave you to it. I'll see you later angel." He said excusing himself from me and Kiara.

I know he had said that to make me feel better and it did to a small extent but somehow I also felt a little worse. Maybe JJ's not the monster that I've made myself believe he is.

I knew this little voice in my head would only grow louder as time went on.... I knew I had to figure things out before I'm left with nothing.

I had to figure out what I wanted and had to figure out whether what I had was what I actually need or was I just making myself forget the past and rush myself into something I might regret in a few years from now.

Fuck why are things so difficult, I knew I should've just stayed away from here........

A/N

Hey guys hope y'all enjoyed.

Love you lots
Elora signing off ✌🏻