𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐘

CHAPTER 43

Words seem infinite. But not at this moment. Now, there wasn't a single word that could've filled the void of silence. There's nothing good that either of them could've said to comfort the other; to lighten the truth. Because at the end of the day, it was her truth.

The memory played out in front of Kai like a movie as she told it to him, leaving her in a daze when the last line slipped out of her mouth like word vomit. Suddenly her fear, her sadness, her regret, faded into nothing. Numbness. Maybe it was because she knew that what's done was done and that she no longer had the upper hand. Maybe because she knew that her identity could no longer hide behind a facade and that Bakugo would finally see her for what she truly was. He tried to defend her all those times, thinking, believing, that she was someone else.

He was wrong.

Her eyes didn't flicker with the beautiful glow he saw before. No, they were dim and unmoving, masked by the darkness consuming them. Locked on something Bakugo couldn't see. Did she regret it? He wondered, letting his eyes slide to her stilled character. He wanted to ask her himself, but his jaw was clamped shut and his mind was occupied with the images he created. But most of all, he was too conflicted on how to feel. On what to feel.

Because who was he looking at now?

When the wave of anger passed and the memory faded, Kai's eyes fell to their corners, landing on Bakugo's fidgeting hands. Blinking slowly, her lips pulled in and she swallowed. I have no right to expect anything after this.

"I know you tried," she began softly, "tried to watch over me. Tried defending me. You wanted to protect me," she looked up to find that Bakugo was already looking at her. "I don't know why you did it..." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Why... why did you?"

Bakugo began to trace circles over the bedsheets, thinking there might be a simpler answer in the fabric than the one he was thinking of now. He bit his bottom lip, forcing himself to be honest, "I don't know," Kai closed her eyes even tighter, unsatisfied. "Maybe because you were the first to challenge me. The first to see me. You were the first person to make me step back and look at myself. You made me realize that I needed to be better. And me?" His eyes rose, stopping atop Kai's hanging head. "I saw someone just as misunderstood as I was."

Kai's head shot up, eyes wide. When their eyes met, Bakugo's gaze dulled, making her heart sink. "That's what I thought, anyway."

"I shouldn't have let you do that, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for tricking you, Katsuki."

Bakugo watched her eyes as they glossed over. He could tell that she was trying to push the tears back and remain strong, but this was all becoming too much to withstand. He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard, his eyes darting back and forth between hers.

"You can hate me and I-I'm not asking you to forgive me," her voice began to tremble as she bit her tongue, forcing herself to hold his eyes. "But they were all I had, Katsuki." She swallowed, blinking rapidly. "And you needed to know. I owed you that."

Bakugo's mouth formed in a straight line as he stared at her for what seemed like forever. They hadn't known each other, not long. Not for years like Deku. Not as an admirer from afar like All Might. No, they had only just met; not once but twice. The people they were before, the relationship that they shared, was a distant memory that only he had.

But why was it that when he looked at her did it seem like their entire lives flashed in her eyes? Like they had known each other a lifetime? It was like they had so much to lose if they were to quit on each other now.

He wanted to scream and shout. He wanted to call bullshit and maybe even cry. He didn't believe her; she wasn't a murderer! How could he believe that when she saved Deku from his attack? When she shielded them at U.S.J.?