Gracious

Part 2 - Chapter 21

A/N - made a mistake in the last author's note...Zane is 21 in part 2 :) (they're all 3 years older)

Comments went crazy on the last chapter 😃

I'm gonna write two depressing alternate scenes for last chapter in the extras book AFTER a few joyous scenes ❤️

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"I think I'm finally starting to do okay", I picked at the blades of grass between my outstretched legs, tossing them to the side afterwards, "for what it's worth anyway, you know?". I cast my gaze upwards, the all-black headstone staring right back at me, the dull pain in my chest not aching as much as it used to.

It was still there though.

It was always there.

"The boys are all doing okay, at least I think so. Them getting older makes them think they can hide how they feel to me- I'm trying though, we're all trying", a small smile graced my lips and I cleared my throat, "Prescott graduates high school in a few months, he's adamant on going to college for a business degree, something about a catering company. Caleb's...more and more reckless as the days go on, but he's a kid, I can't take his fun away from him. Chase is more confident in school, he's attached to his two friends by the hip- kinda like me and you were. The twins are the most high maintenance they've ever been; Xavier's practically bouncing off the walls 24/7, Alexander's still fighting, but he's trying".

I brought my knees up to my chest and sighed, raking a hand through my sweaty hair. It was mid October, and I was fucking boiling.

"Marco thinks I shouldn't come here and talk to you so much, thinks I need to move on", I swallowed and rubbed a hand on my chest, "I don't wanna do that, because that means it's real, that you're actually gone. I don't think I can let go yet Cairo". It'd been over two and a half years since that day, and if I was being honest, it had been nothing short of a draining ordeal.

Between the thoughts, the urges, to end everything just like the day I lost Cairo, having to continue to look after my brothers, lie to my brothers, attempt to look after myself, juggle the club which was now fully up and running...it had been far from easy.

Far from it.

But like Delilah kept saying to me, I was breathing, and that was all that mattered. I turned my wrist and checked the time on my watch, clenching my jaw when I realised how long I'd been here.

"I miss you", I moved into a crouched position and placed a hand on the stone, the heat of it directly being under the sun making me wince, "so much it suffocates me sometimes. But I'm trying".

I had to keep trying, for their sake.

Maybe one day I'd try for my sake too.

I stood, giving the headstone one final pat before I placed a hand on the other, trying to push the guilt back down, just like I'd been doing for the past two years.

"Miss Asher", I murmured, closing my eyes for a moment- don't let your mind go back there. Turning on my heel with a sigh, I retreated to my car without glancing back, I never could bring myself to look back.

My life now felt like it had been split into three separate sections: before Cairo, during Cairo, after Cairo. I didn't think I'd ever have to experience the latter, but I was living proof that nothing ever went to plan.

~

"I don't think there's anything more shit than school", I rolled my eyes the second Caleb climbed into the passenger seat, his two best friends getting into the back on either side of Chase- well then.