Gracious

Chapter 34

A/N - depression upon depression tbh😍

TW for the whole chapter pretty much

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Today was gonna be a shit day.

Sure it was only nine in the morning, my brothers had not long left the house for school or work, but I knew today was gonna be a shit day.

For starters, I'd only gotten about two hours of sleep, didn't know why, but my brain had found sudden fascination in my ceiling last night, much to my dismay. The second thing was that my anxiety levels had been at an all time high from the second I'd gotten out of bed, once again, I didn't know why.

And although today felt like one of those days where I'd much rather lie in my bed and hide away from the outside world, that was out of the equation, especially when you were me.

I had a meeting with Alexander's therapist, Wren, in half an hour. I hadn't seen Wren, let alone sat down with her to talk in what felt like an eternity; ever since my brother had claimed he didn't need me to sit with him during his sessions anymore I'd basically left him to his own devices.

So I tried to shove the brewing anxiety down and get myself ready, hoping my mess of a mind would cut me some slack today.

Key word being hoping.

~

By the time I was sitting in Wren's office, I didn't have high hopes about my sanity clinging on.

At all.

My hands were trembling as I wrung them in my lap, trying not to focus on the unsteady thrum of my heart, the rapidness of my thoughts. I was physically, desperately trying to fight away the impending breakdown that I knew was due.

"Long time no see", Wren slid into the familiar chair opposite me, a warm smile gracing her lips. I managed a small smile, even though I was certain it looked more like a grimace, and cleared my throat.

"Alexander was persistent that he could do the sessions on his own", I replied, rubbing a hand on my chest slowly- not now.

"He's independent, that's for sure", she chuckled, "and how are you doing?".

"Me?", I leaned back, my eyebrows furrowing slightly, "aren't we talking about him?".

"You're an important figure in his life, no?", she asked me, "the most important, some would argue".

The most important.

I knew that already, but hearing someone voice it- especially when my mind was racing at a mile a minute- made me squirm.

Responsibilities upon responsibilities.

"I'm fine", I replied, placing a hand on my bouncing knee, "I'm always fine".

"And are you trying to convince me or yourself?", she raised an eyebrow, crossing one leg over the other and leaning forwards slightly, "this is an informal chat Zane, sure we have important things to talk about, but there are no expectations in this room". I nodded, mirroring her position and crossing one of my legs over the other, intertwining my fingers in my lap; I wasn't used to people prying about how I was feeling- give or take Delilah and maybe Prescott, nor did I feel like talking about my own feelings was necessary at all.

"Right", I nodded again, clearing my throat, "well I'm okay, not falling apart or anything".

Yet.

"Always good to hear", she let a small smile slip, "your brothers are okay?".