Back For You (Larry Stylinson AU)

25 - Love Me Again

AN - Hello short chapter! Wow this one is so tiny! I JUST WANT TO SAY A MASSIVE THANK YOU BEFORE I CONTINUE... 20600 READS!! AHHHHHHHHHH! THANK YOU!!! OH AND 310 VOTES AHHHHHHHHH!

So this chapter goes with an INCREDIBLE SONG! Please give it a listen, I PROMISE it will be worth your time... ;)

I just thought I'd do a heads up here, this story is BY NO MEANS OVER! I just thought as I was writing it that it might seem over, with what happens and stuff, but it's not ;) YAY!!

As always my lovelies, please vote/follow/comment if you like - which i will be surprised about because im really not sure about this chapter. I'm not even joking though right, the comments I have been getting are INCREDIBLE!!! thank you sooo much to anyone who has taken the time to comment! It means the absolute world and I love every single comment and commenter!

And voter and follower and reader and wow ok I love you all

SWEETUMS, YO ALL KNOW I LUV YA

“Tonight’s the night…” Josh whispered through the darkness.

Harry hummed, “Yeah, I know.” He paused briefly, “Are you scared, or am I the only one?”

“Nah, mate I’m fucking terrified.”

Harry let the room lapse into silence as he stared at the ceiling through the murky blackness, “I don’t know why I’m scared; I should be relieved, right?”

Josh wriggled slightly from within his sheets, and sucked in a thoughtful breath, “I don’t know. I mean, it’s scary, right? We’ve been in here for four years and sheltered from outside, with the exception of letters and short phone calls and timed visits, its scary – going back out there.”

Harry sighed with relief, glad that he wasn’t the only one terrified of what tomorrow brought. After four years of living within a cell and a basketball court, and set ‘free times’ which weren’t really ‘free’ at all, Harry could barely sleep with the knowledge that he was getting released the following day – it was daunting.

“Are Jenny and Toby coming to collect you tomorrow?” Harry asked, yawning into the darkness but fully aware that he wouldn’t be able to drop off yet, despite the fact that it must be well after midnight.

“Yeah, and my Mum. How about you, whose coming to collect you?” Josh asked, voice sounding utterly exhausted.

“My Mum.” Harry answered quietly.

“It’s been over three years, hasn’t it?” Josh said, voice slightly muffled from where he had pulled his sheets up to his chin, “Three years since Louis has spoken to you, and you still aren’t over him.”

“I guess not…” Harry mumbled into his pillow.

“He must be a really special guy, Haz. He better be really special, because I’d hate to think that you were so hung up on a guy if you could do so much better.”

“He is… Special, that is…” Harry said, rubbing his nose tiredly, “I really took advantage of him, Josh. I’m scared that he will never forgive me…”

“I’m sure he will.” Josh muttered drowsily, “You were together for so long, he must have really loved you – and you can’t just forget love.”

“But I hid things from him.” Harry argued, “We told each other absolutely everything simply because we could, and we trusted each other, and we knew the other would always be there. We never hid anything from each other, except I hid that I felt so pressured to fit in that I would take illegal drugs to the point that I would hurt the one I love. I got put in prison for that, and for the entire four years I have been self harming to numb the pain inside – which never worked…”

“Prove to him that you still love him, and that you want to put right what you did wrong.” Josh suggested, sentence cut of halfway as a yawn fought its way through.

“It’s not gonna be that easy…” Harry replied, rubbing his face in frustration, “I mean, I know I love him, and he probably knows I love him – I mean, I’ve written him a letter every week for over three years, yet he hasn’t spared a small moment to reply to a single one. I just don’t think he wants us anymore, but I can’t see a future that doesn’t involve us together…”

Josh pinched his wrist to try and keep himself awake, he was so tired and wanted to sleep for tomorrow, but he knew Harry had to talk this through; otherwise he wouldn’t be able to sleep, “You won’t know until you see him, maybe it’s not how it seems.”

“I want to go back and see him, but I’m so scared that he will just leave. Like, that he won’t even care anymore, that he will have moved on.” Harry mumbled, fear spiking his voice.

“I doubt he will have, you guys had something special – I can tell…”

“But I’ve been gone so long, and all I want to do is go home to Lou and have him welcome me home, and head straight in and cuddle for the day, not moving for anyone. I just want to hold him again. And have others look at him then see me and realise that he is taken and they cannot touch. And make him dinner because he is as near to incompetent in the kitchen as you can be and still be cute. And have someone to cuddle into if I wake up during the night.” Harry paused and listened to Josh’s tired and heavy breathing, “Has it been too long for him to forgive me? Have I left him for too long? I’m just trying to find the words that could persuade him that I still love him and that I will still protect him with all of my heart, but I think it’s been too long.”

Josh mumbled something practically incomprehensible in his sleep, and Harry took it as a hint to continue.

“I am done with this place, I am done with people seeing me and judging me. Then when they catch a glimpse of a scar, they’d turn and run because I’m not what anybody wants around. I know I’m not. Louis, however, somehow Louis managed to love me; but it’s been so long.” Harry chewed at his blood-red, lower lip anxiously, “I  wanted to run from being judged and wanted to run right to Louis, I wanted to run all this time. I just want to love and be loved in return, because… I’m in love. Will I ever get back though? Will I ever get back to where I was loved? Will I ever be taken back?”

Harry heard faint snores emanating from Josh’s bunk, and he sighed, “I’ve been away so long, too long. I can barely even find new words to describe the guilt I feel right now, but I know that there are so many words to describe how I just want to be loved again.” Harry sniffled, wiping at his leaking eyes, “I just want him to love me again."