TOKKI CLUB ~ UNREQUITED

Chapter 23

~Winter 1999~

I was being shaken.

My faith was being tested.

It felt like we were at the end of our widths. We'd done all the research, cooked up every remedy, but continued to draw up blank. Nothing was working for Seung-Ho and I started to worry that soon enough, we wouldn't have any option but to simply sit still and play with our fingers.

Just today Soo and I had travelled all the way to the East coast of Busan where they apparently sold a 'rare' species of blowfish that helped to cure any illness that one had. It was Soo's idea to try it and although I said I was a little sceptical, a part of me could only hope that anything - just about anything would help.

When we got there however no one had heard of such thing and we left feeling more deflated than ever.

I nestled into Myung-Soo's arms in thought, we had attempted to sleep after visiting Seung-Ho for a while at the hospital. Attempted being the operative word here. By the time we had arrived home, we were out of energy and both collapsed onto the bed, but the actual sleeping part of the equation was missing. I was having a hard time sleeping and being in his arms was the only thing that brought me a little peace at night, but at around 3 am I woke up again unable to deal with the nightmares I was having.

They probably wouldn't even be classed as nightmares to others but being in that mental state was too uncomfortable. The memories that my psyche chose to dig out were too painful.

They were the memories of our childhood days. The days we had spent as children, laughing, playing and living like there was no tomorrow.

I could only attribute that to the fact that I had been seeing the others a lot more as of recent. In LA it was almost like an out of sight of mind feeling, but being with them more these days triggered thoughts of our history.

The ache in my heart would not ease and all that I could do was to wish that I had cherished those times even better. Everything felt like it was going at a thousand miles an hour, as if time was literally slipping from my fingers.

It all came down to the lack of control.

How I wish time were something tangible, then maybe I could actually do something to stop it from going so quickly. Just maybe I'd be able to turn back the clock and go back to the days that we were happier and without fret of the next challenge.

I never realised how much power I had in this world. I only wish I had enough of it to be able to alter the future.

I almost chuckled at that, because I was definitely not cut out for the role of a deity.

I ran a palm over my face hoping to erase those thoughts and I felt Soo shift beside me, noticing him blink away the sleep in his eyes as they met mine.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" I asked and he shook his head in response. "Try and get back to sleep." I lifted up my hand in an attempt to caress his face, but he held it in place.

"So-Hyun-ah." His eyes drifted to our intertwined hands, holding it gently. "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I ate your favourite pork buns in my dream and you were so angry with me that you threw out my favourite walnut cookies."

I couldn't help but laugh, "Serves you right."

"I'll be very careful from now on."

"As you should be Mr Kim." I teased and he let out small laugh, that soon died out.