TOKKI CLUB ~ UNREQUITED

Chapter 14

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Have you ever wanted something so much, but no matter how hard you tried to grasp at it, you could never get it? That's what Yoo Seung-Ho was like to me. I wanted him so much, I silently longed for him even when I thought he was the lover of my best friend. Even when I thought he was someone I shouldn't have loved, I still yearned for him.

They say that there's no love like the first and I always wondered if that was true.

I always wondered whether I really ever knew what love really was. Especially when it came to Seung-Ho. My past was filled with boys who I liked one second and despised the next, so the very fact that my feelings could change so quickly had me believe that I didn't have the right to love someone else. Especially not a friend like Seung-Ho. With such a fickle heart, how could I?

But Yoo Seung-Ho was different. The more time I spent in love with him, the more I came to know what love was like. Everything about him, from the way he walked to the way he stayed silent in the loudest moments captivated me. He did the right things without even knowing that he was doing them. When my heart started to beat faster with his presence, I didn't want to make too much of it, because well, who knew when my fickle heart would move again. When it reached a whole year and nothing about the way I felt about him had changed, I knew that my heart wasn't planning on going anywhere else for a long time.

So with such knowledge why is it that I was stood outside the university infirmary, walking away from the man that I love? Away from the man who asked me to stay by his side in the loneliest way possible?

I left him on that bed without a word and like a coward I walked away from the very person I wanted to embrace every day. It wasn't because he was joining the army, I could wait for him if that was the case. I'd waited for him this long, two years would be nothing.

Maybe it was because I knew his feelings for me weren't stable. Or Perhaps it's because no matter how much you may want something or someone, it might just not be right for you to have it. After all, they say that everything and everyone has a match.

Or it could simply be another excuse for my fear.

Very likely.

As I walked through campus, each step I took was strained. My hands were gripping the straps of my bag in attempt to get myself together hoping not to break down in front of a sea of strangers. I was on my way to meet Myung-Soo at his dorm, he had texted to let me know that he changed the location. I couldn't blame him, I had kept him waiting for so long.

In my rush to get to his side of the campus, the heels of my boots twisted and my knees buckled sending me to the cold ground and my bag spilling to the floor.

I held back a grunt. "If you were going to walk away why didn't you do it coolly instead of flapping about like a penguin! You don't deserve to be whining like an idiot." I chastised myself.

Both my ankle and my knee were hurting from the impact, but I didn't want to register the pain. I didn't deserve to, not after leaving him alone, he was hurting more than I ever was.

The floor was getting colder by the second, but I didn't have the energy to get up so I simply sat there and stared at the contents of my bag on the floor. The care I had for standing out in front of strangers was long gone.

"Don't say that, we're going to be friends forever, okay?" I heard the voice of a boy to my right. I turned and noticed he was talking to a girl who looked like she had been crying.

"Promise?" The little girl asked in return, sniffling from the cold.

The boy gave her a wide smile that showed off his crooked tooth and wrapped his scarf around her neck. "Of course I promise! Trust this Oppa! We'll be friends forever."