Instincts (A Loki Fanfic)

Chapter Forty-Nine

(A/N: Fair warning, this is probably not going to be your favorite chapter. It's awkward. And kind of clumsy. But you know what? I think it's needed so that next chapter is your absolute favorite. [maybe?] Thanks for reading!)

(Kit's Pov)

"Loki?" Kit knocked hesitantly on his door, sometime after her thoughts had run away. But if she didn't do this now, they would avoid the talk forever.

He appeared at the door, looking down at the Kitten. "Yes?" Ever since that night after the party, there's been this strangeness between them. A longing for the what-ifs and almosts that clouded what they had already. Kit wanted to explore a more intimate side between them, despite knowing she wouldn't have the slightest idea of what to do. What even should be done.

She didn't know, but she wanted to find out with her boyfriend. With Loki.

"We need to talk. Can I come in?" Kit glanced up hesitantly, wondering what his stance on all of this was. Loki said he wanted to explore this with clearer minds, but then later apologized for his rashness. Which was fair: as she felt just as embarrassed that she acted so imprudent. But it wasn't at the actions themselves, rather allowing herself to become so caught up in the moment that all thoughts were put on hold.

It did feel quite wonderful, though.

"Of course." Loki spared her a tired smile, opening the door wider so she could enter. "But it's quite late, love. What's on your mind?"

"Us." Kit sat down on the edge of his bed, falling into old habits. Loki always reminded her of comfort, a second home type of feel. A place to relax and be yourself without any fears or reasons to keep your opinions hidden. A safe and welcoming place.

Loki sat down on her other side, giving up on masking his worry. "Is something wrong?"

She shook her head quickly, searching for the words. "No, there's nothing wrong. But we keep escaping this conversation."

"Oh." Yep, oh. That conversation. Loki looked away for a moment, pursing his lips as he thought. A hand ran its way through his hair, before he turned to look back at the Kitten. Strands of his mane framing his face perfectly. "We have been putting it off, haven't we?" Kit smiled in an attempt to reassure him, not quite sure how this should go. Who talks first? What questions were 'okay' to ask right now? What was too much, or too little?

No amount of questions could ever be too much. But of course Kit didn't realise this, as Loki broke the silence that had started to settle. "Well, what do you think about being more intimate? What do you want?"

What did she want? "I think I would like to explore... more, with you." Butterflies fluttered against her nerves as she admitted such things, but Kit couldn't care right now. Her eyes found Loki's, and she focused on holding his gaze. "I want to try being intimate. Although I don't know much about how- Or what I'm supposed to do. You would have to tell me."

"Would I?" Loki chuckled, stealing a brief kiss. The slow meeting calmed her nerves, and undoubtedly his own in the process as well. "Kitten, it's not about what you are supposed to do. The only expectation is that we both enjoy ourselves. I would be honored to spend that time with you." He laced his hand with her own, as she sat back and considered his words.

But Kit paused, fiddling with his hand. Questions ran through her mind about every little detail, and more importantly what those details even consisted of. Natasha explained some things, but strictly from a scientific standpoint. Part A and part B, rather than what actually happened during intimacy. "What happens?"

"D-during sex?" Loki was taken aback, and Kit quickly corrected herself.

"Not what it is, but how it feels? What leads to enjoying yourself?" Her thumbs rubbed against his palms as she spoke, a way to fiddle after asking such an inexperienced question. Naive, even. As the word presented itself to her.

Loki released a nervous breath, and Kit smiled from the mistake. If she didn't know, how could Kit have said that she wanted to explore more? But there was a difference between knowledge and experience. Loki only panicked if he would have to be the one to explain the physical aspects of such things for the first time, rather than the emotional side of the experience.

"It's the touch that makes you feel... 'excited', really." He thought for a moment, trying to find a way to explain such a complex set of emotions. "The two of us would be alone, usually naked, and just trying different touches in different ways until we find pleasure in the activity."

He paused, allowing Kit to imagine such a scenario in her mind. To be so vulnerable and to see him the same way... 'Excited' was an understatement. Yet it was the only word she could use to describe the feelings that made her heart beat faster and her blood boil. "I think I would like that."

Loki squeezed her hand, before bringing it to his lips. "I'll make sure you do. And we can take it slow, if you want. I want to make sure you're comfortable with my advances, Love."

"Thank you, Loki." She smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder. They talked late into the night, discussing what had been put off for weeks. But with the truth now spread in the light, Kit realised how easy it would have been to ask this sooner. As the couple agreed on a date tomorrow evening, with a possibility for more afterward.

As Loki answered her questions, and she to the ones he had, the Kitten started to anticipate the following day's activities. Growing excited to finally explore more with the one she loved.

(A/N: Instincts will be going until about Chapter Fifty-Six, for those of you wondering. Updates should be every Friday until this work is completed. Thanks for reading!)