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My life has always been boring, no matter how many times my dad told me to get out and ride my bike or something, I never listened. The only times I did anything was with my dad. My first time underage drinking wasn't with friends, it was with my dad and a few of his buddies while we watched the Superbowl. The first time driving a car and a motorcycle, he was there teaching me. It was kind of strange, watching him in front of me. His face pale, a face I have never seen this pale before and never will get to see again. He was laying stiff in the ugliest box, it was what his friend Jason could afford. This sucked. But its my first funeral and guess who's by my side? Does it count if he's dead?
I missed a few days of school which you can assume why, this sucked too. They had just approved me to be in Junior classes instead of Sophomore classes. At a strong sixteen, I have no mom and my dad dies of cancer.
"I know its sudden." Jason starts, his hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
"His death? Yeah to me it was." everyone knew but me, it was his way of protecting me, but I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do.
I was smart but I was delusional. The past month he has been slower, more tired, and barely stayed awake for any movie we put on. I had just thought it was him getting old, god I wish it was just him getting old.
"No mija, the funerals over and your dads Lawyer wants to talk." Jason looks at me with a worried look.
A look I haven't seen until today.
"What about? Papa told me I would stay with you."
"he did." He nodded, breathing in hard.
After the funeral was over Jason drove me home. Cars where in the drive way, Jason tries to smile at me but a permanent frown takes over.
"Whatever happens, I'll be with you okay Chiquita?"
Jason was basically my Tio, he's held my hand since i was two and now he still holds my hand, in this moment, just like he's always done. He opens the door and there are three people in my kitchen, all around the dinner table with papers scattered around. Two men in suits, one petite lady with curly hair. She turns to look at me, her eyes teary as soon as her eyes set on me.
"Selena?" She breaks into a cry, walking over with open arms.
As I become squished by this woman, I glance at Jason who is staring at the lawyers.
"Who is she?" I asked Jason.
The lady departs from the hug, tears streaming down her face.
"I'm your mother. I know, I know its weird but Javier put me as first of Kin. He called me last month after sixteen years, He said you grew up so smart and strong all without me. He then asked me to help him continue to raise you."
"And I- " she puts her hands on her face, choking up from the tears.
This was how I was about five days ago when I got pulled out of school by Jason to go to the hospital. I got tired of crying , Im mostly empty now and I have never felt this way. She's my mother, she looks at me with so much emotion, so much attachment, yet I feel nothing when I look at her. I have never asked about my mom growing up, I never lacked anything. Jason and Dad were enough, I had everything I wanted. Even when we went through tough financial times, they would never let me know, We just went on more camping and road trips then theme park trips.
Before I got to ask questions, I was told to pack up. As a minor, this is very inconvenient, I don't have much I can take.
"I'm getting a place nearby just give me a month. You have my number, I can drive to visit every week. You have your card that Javi gave you, I'll be putting money in it every week." Jason piles my clothes onto the bed, clearing out my drawers.
"Jay." I say, I see him not looking at me, trying his best to be strong.
I grab his arm and pull him into a hug.
"Im going to be fine. No te precupes." I hear his breath hitch.
"I was ready for him, but leaving you I wasn't ready for." He started to sob into my shirt.
It was all fast, too fast, a third of my stuff is jammed into a 2013 Toyota while the rest is sitting in my room. My room that will never be my room again. My mother has stopped crying and we had been driving in silence for a couple minutes.
"My name is Melissa and I cheated on my ex husband with Javier and had you. it was not my best year and I had a baby already. Javier wanted you, I couldn't my husband at the time said he would leave me if I had you."
"Well you had me." I responded.
"And I told Javier to get you far far away from that man. I had to stay for your brother, for Scott. I couldn't leave with his son."
"Okay." the airpods in my ears were on a low volume, a random Taylor Swift song played but I was not in the mood for her.
"Just Okay? No questions? No hatred towards me?" Her grip on the steering wheel tightened.
"At the new school can I jump to Junior year?" I ask, staring at the landscape on this long and empty state road.
"What?" She seemed almost confused at the only question I had.
I could think about her, about why she left me and specifically why. Why she said ex husband, yet made no attempt to reenter my life after the split. I had too much in my brain, that's for another day, not today.
"I had passed the entry exam to skip a grade. I was getting in trouble because I got bored Freshman year, I finished my Sophomore classes that year and stopped going to school."
It was quiet again. I can feel her trying to say something, yet nothing came out. Nothing she wanted to say to me at least.
"I can talk to the principal about it."
It was a silent five hour drive. We had lived in four places. When I was young we lived in Miami, Florida until I was eight years old. Then we did Texas Until I was fourteen. Now I'm leaving Las Vegas, I never thought I would ever live in California and here we are. Sorry, Here I am. Doing something new without Jason or my dad. Strange.
