Hey😗.
Been a minute. Well, much longer than a minute 😂but I'm here. Let's dive into bikini bottom 😂😂. I'm high on lack of sleep😂
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The holidays move so fast it feels like I'm not there and for most of the time I'm really not. When I'm not being dragged around and disturbed by my family I'm in my safe haven; my room. I've formed the habit of just staring into space sorting out my thoughts. I'm starting to think it's not working because it isn't.
I've sort of broken down what happened last year into four things. One - my best friend (or should I even say ex-best friend) probably hates how I look.
Two - my other friends probably feel the same.
Three - Jacob might stop talking to me again for whatever reason.
And four - this year isn't going to be easy. Like at all.
School resumes in two days and once again I'm in bed trying to pick apart conversations I've had with everybody I know. If they've ever made a subtle comment about my weight or if they've looked at me funny but all it's doing is giving me a headache and making me extremely hungry. I'm famished.
I'm about to step out the door when I notice my mom there and I pause in front of her. "Fayokemi.." she calls and stops. "I know you're in your final year and you have a lot going on but I'm your mother. I literally gave you life and I can't keep ignoring whatever this is like it's not there. Are you depressed?" she asks and takes my hands. "You've got to tell me if you are so I can help you" she adds. I just stand there motionless. Am I? I'm not. I think a lot, yes but I'm a human being. I'm bound to overthink.
Her voice stops my train of thoughts when it goes down the road it shouldn't. "I saw you putting on a waist trainer this morning. You're definitely not on a diet and I'm not saying it's a bad thing but are you this sad because you're trying to shed some weight?"
"If you're not going to talk to me how do you want me to help you" she snaps and immediately takes in a deep breath like she's trying to calm down and be patient. "I....I heard your conversation the other day". Mother no.
"Mommy" that's all I say. I knew there was a possibility of her listening in but I didn't think she actually did it. She guides me back into the room, shuts the door and sits both of us down on the bed. "She's not the reason and I'm not depressed. I'm just tired. I've been doing a lot of chores" I blurt our hurriedly.
She releases my hands and stares at me so hard and for so long I have to lower my gaze. She's clearly trying to hold herself back and mince her words. "I got a maid before Christmas" she says finally and that alone makes me to shoot my eyes back to hers. Maid. Maid? Which maid? Oh, Kemi you don't have chores anymore. A lie must cover up a lie. Lie!!
"I know ma. I meant assignments?" I say cautiously or maybe ask because it sounds more like a question. I'm a bad liar.
"I didn't know about any assignments" she says suspiciously. "Fayokemi, I gave birth to you. You can't lie to save my life"
"Apparently, I can't lie to save mine either" I mutter. "I'm fine. I'm thinking of exams" I say. Is that really what we're going with Kemi? "Yeah exams. They're going to be so stressful" I said and cleared my throat.
"We need to have the talk" she said defiantly.
"About babies? Mom, I'm sixteen and I do biology" I say with a look.
"I'm not talking about that" she replies looking everywhere around my room but my face. "What do they teach kids these days?" I faintly hear her whisper to herself. A lot mother. A whole lot.
"So, which talk are we talking about?" On a normal day, I would have laughed but her face told me now is not the time.
"Kemi, who are you?" She asks turning herself to face me better. Who am I? I'm your daughter. Wait, aren't I?
"I'm Fayokemi. Your daughter. Mom, can't you remember?" I ask confused.
"Wa. Are you sure you're my child? It's not my mentality you took. Obviously. Do I look deranged in your eyes? Or did I tell you I have amnesia?" She fired fiercely and moved forward like she was about to hit me so instinctively, I moved back but she just eyed me and took my palm in hers. "I'll come back later for us to continue this talk when I'm a bit calmer but think about my question. Hmm?"
"I don't understand the question ma" I reply slowly reducing my voice to not anger her further. She's hot today sha.
"Who are you on the inside? If someone were to ask you who Fayokemi Adeshina is,what would you say? How will you describe yourself?" She ask tilting her head.
"I'm smart and many other things" I reply.
"You need to know who you are to able to build your confidence level. To know what you want to do with yourself. Who are you? Think about that till tomorrow" she says and stands up. "You don't know how much I care about you baby. I really don't like the place you're in. But you should know that I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere" she says by the door and quickly wipes under her eyes which made me get teary eyed too.
"I know Mom and I care about you too. So much" I reply and wipe my eyes. "I'll be fine" I say trying to assure her.
"I know. I just wish you weren't in a place where you'd have to be fine later" she says with a tight-lipped smile. "Come down and eat" she says and slips out the door.
Who IS Fayokemi? She better be strong because I really need that strength now, I thought and left my room.
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I did it 😭!!! I finally updated 😭what a miracle 😂. I kept you waiting didn't I? We've all been waiting for years for this update. Baby girl needs some strength. Well, two baby girls 😂. How's everyone doing?
Kemi is finding out who she is to know how to build her self confidence and know whether to lose weight for herself or for anybody else. Growth incoming 😭😭
I really thought Kemi might maybe collect slap😂in case it's tacky or something accept it. E don tey😗😂.
My longest author's note😂😂. It's well.
Vote if you loved the chapter and comment I'd love to hear your views❤️. And share too loves❤️
XOXO ❤️❤️❤️
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