Your lips my lips, Apocalypse (Lapril)

Asshole

I quickly get dressed and rush out of the on-call room. I don't even think to look back at Jackson laying on the cot. He's probably mad but I don't care. I had sex with him to get April off my mind but all it did was make me miss her more. I can't believe I slept with someone. I know we're on break but I'm so disgusted with myself. I feel like I cheated on her. I want to tell her but that would just hurt her more. I don't ever wanna cause her harm. I never want to hurt her more. Seeing her cry in front of me. Seeing her flinch when I raised my voice.

I need to find her. I need to tell her before Jackson try's to brag about fucking me. I completely blow off Shepherds rounds, trying to find April. I know she's on Baileys service so I run to the general wing. I search through the post-op wing for any sight of April. I finally come across room 363. I peek in and see Bailey talking to a patient. I keep searching and find my gorgeous ginger reading the patients chart.

I stand outside the door waiting for April. The door swings open and I run in front of it. Bailey give me a weird look but April doesn't look up from her chart. I put my hand on her chart to make her look up. She raises her head and looks at me.

"April I need to talk to you." I say grabbing her hand. She tosses the chart on the nurses station counter. I drag her into a storage closet and slam the door behind us. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" She says, looking mournful. I know she can sense it's bad. She always can.

"I slept with someone." I say looking down at my feet, avoid her eye contact. I deliberately leave out the fact it was one of her best friends who I fucked

"It's ok I guess." April says, her voice breaking. "We were on a break." Tears welling in her eyes.

"April." I say looking up at her. "It's not ok I'm so sorry. I knew it was wrong I don't know why I did it I'm such an awful person I just missed you so much and I know it's no excuse I jus-" she cuts me off.

"It's ok Lex." She says. "At least you had the balls to tell me and I didn't have to find out some other way. It's ok." She says pushing past me to leave. She opens the door and leaves, leaving me standing alone. I'm an asshole.

I keep my head down all day, not even bothering to ask Shepherd if I can scrub in on his ventricular shunt. Jackson gets to scrub in and I just sit up in the gallery. I know Derek is probably mad at me for being late but I don't care. The only person who's mad at me that I care about is April.

I sit up in the gallery, front row. There's two other people with me. An oncologist sitting in the back row and a peds nurse sitting a few seats down from me. I'm surprised not more people are in here. It's around lunch time and lots of people eat in the galleries. Dinner and a show. Just as I think that, Alex and Meredith walk in.

"Hey Lex. Why aren't you down there?" Mer says sitting next to me.

"Uh I was late to rounds."

"Oooh shepherd's probably mad!" Alex says biting into an apple.

"Why were you late? You were the first one out of the residents lounge." Mer says unwrapping her turkey sandwich.

"Cause she was busy screwing Jackson!" Alex buts in before I can answer. Jackson pokes his head up and smiles behind the mask. I completely forgot the intercom was on. My face turns bright red and I look down at my lap.

"You had sex with Jackson!" Mer yells.

"How'd you even know that?" I ask turning towards Alex.

"Jackson told me. He's been telling everybody. He's quite proud." Shit. I stand up and rush out of the gallery.

"Woah the effect you have on women." Mer laughs.

I run down the stairs trying to page April. With my eyes on my pager I didn't see the next step. I completely miss it and tumble down 8 stairs. A nurse runs over to me and my vision goes blurry. Did I hit my head? I don't remember hitting it but I must of because I cannot see the nurse trying to help me up. She gets me on my feet and I can finally feel the excruciating pain my left arm is in.

Everything turns green as the nurse try's to get me to a wheel chair. Right after my vision starts getting dark on the sides until it's taken up my entire vision and I feel my body go limp.