Neteyam - I love you. II

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"I love you..." Neteyam whispered before he left my tent.

That night I couldn't sleep. I was crying, there was nothing else I could do.

I wasn't there when Neteyam and his family left, I couldn't bring myself to watch him leave. I stayed in my tent for a few days after their departure. I prayed for them to stay safe, I prayed for him to be healthy and well. I prayed for him to come back to me.

I prayed for my best friend to come back to me.

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Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. I hadn't seen or heard from any of the member of the Sully family. Each passing moment felt heavier than the last as I grappled with the absence of Neteyam. Without any means of communication, I was left in the agonizing limbo of not knowing if he was safe or when, or even if, he would ever return.

Amidst the pangs of longing and the unrelenting questions, I sought solace in the embrace of nature with Eywa. The surrounding forest became my sanctuary, offering a temporary respite from the ache in my heart. I wandered through sun-dappled groves and followed winding paths, hoping to distract myself from the void that lingered within.

As I strolled along a winding trail, the whispering leaves and symphony of chirping birds enveloped me in their harmonious embrace. Wandering by myself in the forest has always helped me clear my mind. With Neteyam gone, I didn't have my special person with me anymore. I still didn't want my mother to see me in this state even after months.

I miss Neteyam... I miss him so much. It's not fair. Neteyam had gave me a taste of what we could have been before leaving me heart broken.

Why is it that I am missing something I never truly had?

With each passing day, my connection to Eywa grew deeper. I thought that if I could understand Eywa's way, I could perhaps know if Neteyam was okay. I sat beneath the shade of Pandora's forest, feeling the gentle sway of branches above me. The leaves whispered stories of growth, change, and the cyclical nature itself. Eywa understood my unspoken pain and offered peace in her ever-present embrace.

Before I knew it, the seasons danced through their eternal cycle, and four years had passed. I had continued to explore the forest and sought comfort in the delicate petals of blooming flowers and the vibrant colours of changing foliage. I completed my Iknimaya a year and a half after Neteyam left. I wanted to make Neteyam proud by becoming a good archer, a good warrior. I don't know where he is, but I know he is okay. I can feel it, through Eywa.

I grew stronger. For him, for my mother, for me. I thought I would be doing better once I found a goal... but I was not. I kept on thinking about him, all the time. I grew angry, annoyed, broken. It wasn't fair. Why did he have to leave and make me think I could be with him.

I was not even sure if I wanted to see him, that is, if he were to come back. I tried to hold onto our memories, the happy ones, but they were being changed. My mind was playing tricks on me, telling me that I had been messed with.

I hate him.

I hate him for being so unforgettable, so perfect, with his annoying pretty eyes and the way he was kind to everyone, always wanting to make sure they were safe. 

I hate him, I hate him so much. 

I hate how he's the only one that could ever make me feel safe. I want to forget him. Eywa please help me forget him. It hurts. I want closure. I want it all to stop so I can live.

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