A/N this story is a sad one. I know, I'm sorry... But on the positive side- it's a long chapter! This made me almost cry, not gonna lie... Anyway- hope you'll enjoy this chapter!
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Y/N's POV:
Tiredness. My eyelids grow weaker and heavier over the passing seconds. My body is slowly shutting down and preparing itself for sleeping. I can't move and I don't want to. I just want to stay here- laying down, eyes closed, and muscles relaxed. My thoughts aren't running around in my head and they have quieted down. All I feel is calmness. Relaxation. Safeness. As if I have accomplished everything. I have given everything that I have and made myself proud. I don't need to rush somewhere, I can just stay here and enjoy my own company.
The feeling is amazing. I feel so fucking independent as if I don't need anyone. No friends, no colleagues- nothing but myself. I'm my own best company. And no one can change it but me. I can control it- all of it. My happiness and sadness. Words and thoughts (even when that sometimes feels impossible). Actions and impacts. It is all up to me.
I can finally relax. Every worry that I ever have had is now leaving my body. All the panic, worry, insecurity, regret and guilt, anxiety, and depression. Complete emptiness. Now that I see it from afar, I realize how much space and time it took up from my life. More than I wanted it to.
Gosh, how stupid was I to believe my negative thoughts? The only thing that they did was hold me back. But now I've accepted it and feel grateful for the days when I didn't listen to my mind and didn't let my mind bully my body. Because to be honest- I have way too good of a personality, and thinking that the only thing that matters in this whole wide world is my looks is sad. Devastating even. Even more, that You might think that.
By now, my eyelids have gotten so heavy that I had to rest them permanently. From afar I could hear people talking and cars driving.
There was one voice I recognized- Sherlock. My Sherlock Holmes. A small smile formed on my face when I heard his voice talking. It was deep and mysterious. Not that he wouldn't be any less mysterious but it only made me feel more attracted to him. The way he would breathe in and choose his words carefully during stressful situations. And the way his face would light up like the 4th of July when he has solved a case or has played a song on the violin perfectly. It made him excited and that feeling would be passed on to everyone else in the room.
Oh how perfect this night is. I feel accomplished and proud of myself. And the best part is that I wouldn't change a single thing that I did while living. Because every life must go sometime somewhere. For some to live, some must sacrifice themselves.
"No, c'mon, Y/N! Keep your beautiful E/C eyes open for me. Please... Please, Y/N. Don't leave me! Help will reach you soon," he spoke with panic audible in his voice. He started to suck in short and sharp breaths which indicated that he was crying. I would've opened my eyes and wiped away his tears but my body wasn't under my mind's control. I could not do anything.
"Sherlock, darling?" my whispered voice asked him. I felt weak but I needed him to know my last thoughts before I go to sleep without an alarm clock awakening me.
His shaking hands were placed softly on each side of my head and were holding me securely. "Yes, sweetheart? What can I do for you?" he asked with a tear dropping on one of my cheeks. He placed his forehead on mine, as if afraid to break me. I pulled myself together, and with the last strength that I managed to summon, I opened my eyes.
I looked at him. He looked beautiful and his curls were messed up. I smiled and with a quiet voice, I said: "I love you. And I want you to know that every second that I have spent with you has fixed me. Healed me. You have shown me a different side of the life one could have. And I loved every second of it. I felt the most alive when standing beside you and breathing the same air as you were. I can't thank you enough for that. I love you, my Sherlock Holmes. So fucking much. Don't ever hesitate that I didn't. I love you, I love you, I love you, Sherlock Holmes... " I finished, slowly fading away. Mentally, physically and spiritually. All of me was starting to fade away in the sky. But at least I got to say the most feared and loved three words to the one person I loved the most.
Looking up above and gently placing my see-through hand on his shoulder, all I saw and heard was him grieving. Ear screeching scream was released from his lungs and mouth alongside a river of tears.
There wasn't a single thing I could do anymore. Nothing but looking over him and being his protection angel.
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Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have an amazing morning/day/evening/night <33
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