lights out, jake sim.

20.

Jake stumbled through the front door, his eyes red and swollen. A heavy feeling clenched his heart, knowing that he had single-handedly destroyed something beautiful. In that fleeting moment, he had questioned the worth of his choices and the emptiness that consumed his heart. Was it all worth it? The deafening silence wrung his nerves, reminding him of the tantalizing mistakes, he had knowingly committed.

Just when he finally had the chance to feel the love he had longed for, his foolishness stepped in and takes her away from him. Why couldn't he love her like a normal person?

He had shattered her completely, degrading her naivety and stripping away her integrity. He just wanted a taste of her love. All he wanted was to see what it felt like to abode in the ecstatic realm of love. How it felt to be gazed at lovingly by her. The electrifying feeling of her magical touch, and to witness her flushed cheeks and the shy smile gracefully touching her lips whenever their eyes met. He had destroyed it all.

Heeseung entered the living room to see Jake slumped on the floor, his head resting against the couch. Something about his dishevelled demeanour alarmed Heeseung as he approached him and gently shook his shoulder.

Jake looked up, his countenance lacking any emotion, yet his eyes told a tale of sorrow and regrets.

Heeseung sat down next to him, concern for Jake's well-being etched on his face as explored gently, "Jake, are you okay?"

"I made her cry, Heeseung. I hurt her... I hurt Lily." His voice cracked with anguish as he recalled the painful encounter.

Heeseung placed a comforting hand on Jake's shoulder, allowing him to lean his head against it, "Tell me what happened," he urged softly.

"I broke up with her. She was holding onto my arm, Heeseung. She was crying. She said she wouldn't be able to live without me. And I... I berated her. I hurt her badly." Jake's voice trembled, his face mirroring the inner conflicts he was experiencing, "But now, I think I wouldn't be able to breathe without her. I've made a grave mistake."

Heeseung had never seen Jake cry like a child before. His eyes reflected the agony of losing something dear to him.

Tears welled up in Jake's eyes once again, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand, "I loved her, Heeseung. And I still do. But in one moment of my foolishness, I destroyed everything we had. I pushed her away."

Heeseung remained silent, giving Jake the space to pour out his pain and remorse. He understood the weight of regret and his impulsive conduct that overburdened his friend's soul; an emotion he knew of too well.

"I wish I could take it all back," Jake whispered, his voice layered with regret, "I wish I could rewind time and tell her that it wasn't about her. She just happened to love a coward. She loved me, and I... I took it for granted. I let my own fears and insecurities ruin everything. I wish I could run back into her arms and treat her with the love and respect she deserves. But now... now it feels like it's gone."

The realization had struck him forcefully, leaving his hands empty and his heart aching. The tapestry of his sardonic augury had trapped him like a maelstrom. The fleeting enchantment would only be short-lived as he perceived to know about his emotional tendencies. He brushed off his infatuation with Lily as a mere fortuitous event schemed vehemently by the capricious fate. His initial reservation was to entertain the quixotic desire to fall in love with her before it was orchestrated into something profound and beautiful. Before he realized it, he was deeply involved with her.

The apocryphal insights about love always repulsed him as he believed that the meretricious notion merely existed to bring their demise. But that was all before he met her.

Nothing remained true to its meaning when he met her. She ignited a spark within him, unlocking a new world of emotions he had yet to discover.

Her conception of life was rather simple yet sanguine as compared to his. She was like a breath of fresh air, a ray of sunlight on a cloudy day. Her presence bought warmth and vibrancy to his life that he had never experienced before.