lights out, jake sim.

25.

Torn between her thoughts, Lily sat alone on the bleachers, needlessly etching lines on her journal as her mind raced with the events of last night. She couldn't understand how she felt after hearing him say all those words. In the months following their break up, she had often imagined herself having such a conversation with him, but now that it had actually happened, she found herself at a loss about how to truly feel. 

She never expected to see him outside her dorms, let alone talk to him. While a part of her longed for closure, her heart wasn't ready for the flood of emotions that awaited her. 

As she looked up, her gaze met his. There he stood, donning his football jersey, smiling— a sight that brought back a flood of memories and conflicting emotions. 

Quickly looking away, she stowed her journal back in her folder, intending to leave, when she was interrupted by the sound of running footsteps. Turning her head, she saw Heeseung, who had seemingly left the practice to join her on the bleachers.

"Can I sit?" Heeseung asked, a small smile displayed on his lips.

"Sure. I was leaving anyway," Lily replied, her countenance aloof.

"Lily, please sit down." Heeseung urged, standing before her and gesturing towards the bleachers.

Sighing, Lily took a seat as she fumbled with her fingers. Conversing with Jake was one thing but with Heeseung, she was already a bundle of nerves.

"Listen, Lily. I don't know what happened between you and Jake—"

"You don't know what happened? I suppose it was pretty much a hot topic among your clique." Lily scoffed, her voice laced with annoyance and disbelief.

"Please, let me finish," Heeseung interjected, his voice still gentle."We've wronged you, Lily. I acknowledge and we aren't proud of it. I am deeply ashamed to even sit before you. I don't know what to say. One thing spiralled into another. I am sorry for taking you for granted."

Lily remained silent, listening to Heeseung intently.

"I won't make excuses for the past because it had nothing to do with you but I  still want to apologize. I should have intervened when I had the chance. The only reason I didn't was that I never thought Jake would break up with you. But, Lily, I can tell," Heeseung paused, his eyes twinkling, "He really loves you."

Lily's heart raced as she heard those words, conflicting emotions flickering and swirling within her.

"I have never seen him cry like that before. The night you two broke up, he came to me. He looked nothing like Jake. He appeared as someone who had lost everything, as if his world had crumbled beneath his feet. He was devasted, Lily. He repeatedly told me how he regretted it. How he wished he could turn back time and undo the pain he had caused you."

"I don't know what to say." Lily confessed, her voice tinged with vulnerability."I can't say that this doesn't affect me. But, Heeseung, I need time. Trust isn't mended easily."

"I understand, Lily. Take your time. I just don't want either of you to have regrets," Heeseung responded, his voice filled with empathy, "Jake is genuinely remorseful. I don't know why he did what he did but what's important is that he wants to make things right. However, you mean as much to me as Jake does, so I am not here to influence your decision. I'd rather you follow your heart and make the choice that feels right for you."

Lily nodded, her gaze fixed on the ground as she contemplated the whirlwind of emotions that engulfed her. Then, as if remembering something, she looked up with a tinge of embarrassment and remorse evident in her voice.

"Heeseung, I also have something to say to you," Lily continued, her words hesitant. "I'm sorry about that day. The day I... I kissed you."

"Now that's a problem. I can't easily forgive you for stealing my first kiss." A frown crossed Heeseung's face with mock seriousness.

"Really? Oh my god, I am so sorry. I can't believe I—"

"Calm down, Lily. Geez, do you really believe that?" Heeseung laughed, interrupting her. "I was just kidding. It was unexpected but it's not something I hold against you. Besides, it was a confusing time for both of us. Let's not dwell on it."

Relieved by his response, Lily managed a small smile, "Thanks for understanding, Heeseung. I  didn't mean to complicate things further."

As they sat there, mending their strained friendships, a commotion erupted on the football field.