what if ?

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i lead seungkwan to my room.

the boy feels comfortable enough to sit on my bed with a smile, leaving the bag he is holding right next to the bed. okay, rude much, walking in like he owns my place.

"and... yeah have a seat, apparently..."

"you are gonna let a sick person stand for this long?!" he jokes again. Everything is a joke to him. "of course not, i am known for my hospitality and warm feelings after all...!" i sarcastically retort.

"right..." he jokes and lets silence take over the room for a while, only for our eyes to communicate.  Somehow i feel addicted to this way of speaking.

its giving me goosebumps.

"how are you knees?!" he asks with the most charming smile in the world. the audacity. how can he have these charming looks so easily? that should be illegal.

"I said i am good... havent i? don't mind me..." i try to be polite fixing some things on top of my desk.

"its too late for that!" he smiles and i stop any movement from decorating. its like i was immobilized for a second.

what does that mean? why is he so nice to me?! i am always tending to get confused by his words, like he is doing it on purpose. then he slowly lifts his head and our eyes lock.

i feel my heart racing after such a small incident, yet i cant take my eyes away from him. "d-do you want to drink something?! i... i can make you some hot chocolate!! or tea... or gasoline" i stutter.

"mmhm, i wont pass. a gallon of gasoline always gets me hyped up." he teases me. "i'll be back soon..."

i am about to leave to make a tea but stop right in front of the door. kwan notices, i know he is staring at my back.

"do you perhaps, have something to say to me now?!" he is hoping to hear something. he even was ready to stand up. i knew it because of the sound the floor made.

all these what if can literally kill me.

"why didnt... you go to that date? you seem fine?!" i dare to say, turning around to lock eyes with him.

our eyes lock and he takes a second of silence to appreaciate this moment. i can tell by the way genious smile he has on. why is he entertained by such idiotic questions.

"It wouldn't be fair... you lost your date for me... shouldn't i do the same for our friendship?!" he jokes. friendship? right, friendship! oh my god, friendship, of course! i was panicking, but he gave me the answer i was seeking.

"right..." my smile slowly fades away.

"why? did you want me to go to that date, leader?!" he playfully titles his head to the right  having that annoying smirk on.

"w-what do i have to do with you and your dates?! haha, do whatever you want!" i try to joke it off. "yes, thats what am planning to do in the future!" his smile fades away as our eyes lock.

oh no, my heart is racing again.

no! sarang concentrate!

your goal is seungkwan...

right.

WAIT, NO I MEAN CHAN.

FUCK!

friendship friendship. thats the word!

"i... i.. go... kitchen... me! now..." like that i walk out totally petrified of my life. kwan furrowed an eyebrow, perplexed but i never gave him the chance to talk to me.

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