Lava | Ninjago

🜃 | under cover(s)

[hopefully, the closure you asked for...]

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"What are we even doing?"

"I don't know – but I know what we could be doing instead."

"No, Kai, you did this two times already. We've gotta talk. If we keep avoiding this forever it will only get one if not both of us hurt."

Kai groaned. "I hate talking about my feelings. Is it really necessary?"

"Trust me, we're in the same boat," Cole replied, sighing. They were both staring so intensely at the drawer by the wall he was surprised there weren't four holes burned into it already.

"Again. Do we really need to talk about this? I'm fine with how things are now..."

Cole turned to look at him, his eyebrow raised. It was quite a neutral look but Kai felt himself shrinking under the odd light in Cole's eyes. "Really? You can? Isn't making out in secret and then pretending nothing ever happened between us killing you on the inside? We act so neutral outside, we never talk about this, we pretend we're just friends that bicker all the time and then you barge into my room like that... And you're fine with it?" Kai remained silently staring at him. "Because I don't think I can do this anymore, Kai. Not like this. Not when I don't know where I'm standing. Where we're heading." He looked away from the red ninja, his gaze finding its way back to the drawer. To the picture of him and Kai. As if he didn't have his mind already full of those.

"What do– What do you mean by that?" Kai asked, his voice suddenly careful as if he was walking by a ledge, trying not to fall into the unknown dark.

Cole sighed again, putting his face into his hands for a few moments to give himself some courage. With a deep breath, he let go and turned to look at Kai, who immediately mirrored his sitting position. Each had a leg on the bed, both of them almost touching...

It felt as if Cole pushed himself off the ledge as he spoke the words he never dared to voice until now. "Kai, I... What I feel towards you..." He sighed, "I haven't felt towards anyone in ages and... maybe never like this, too. And I feel like if that gets ruined it would be really hard for me to recover." Kai was basically hanging on each of his words, not daring to speak. As if something would shatter if he dared interrupt.

"Which... I would understand if you didn't feel in some way similar because I know and understand that no one has any power over those things... But this, what we're doing, is just... I'm getting a taste of something I don't know if I can actually have and it's really hard for me, you know? How do I know this means something to you when we never talk about it? What if this is just some stupid fling to you and I'm digging myself a grave here? I don't want to get played because of some lack of communication..." His own eyes stung. He could see himself in Kai's.

"I don't want to be hopelessly in love with you if we don't want the same thing."

Kai looked down and Cole reached to hold both his hands. He leaned in, lowering his voice that was way too close to breaking and Cole hated everything about the fact. "Kai... What do you feel? Towards me? Is this just physical? Is it just something to fill your free time with?" Kai urgently shook his head, his eyes wide. Then he looked down and Cole decided to give him some space to collect his thoughts. That or he couldn't muster up any more words.

The brunet kept scanning their hands with his eyes: how their fingers intertwined, how they fit together like two puzzle pieces, how he wished the feeling could last forever; he could stay like that forever.

"No. No, I don't think so..." he breathed out eventually. Since looking directly at Cole turned out to be rather distracting, Kai focused his eyes on the wall behind him, the blurry face lingering in the corner of his eyes. It was only fair. So, he took a deep breath and tried to put his thoughts into something that will hopefully make some sense and won't make him regret everything instantly; won't make him want to bash his own head through that wall.