AUTUMN/Bbangsaz (NJ FF SERIES 1)

chapter twenty-nine

The day just starts but Hanni wished its night already so she can rest ignore the calls and Soobin's knocks on her door. She sigh she didn't know what to do she's sure that in what she's doing she's breaking her lovers heart.

A knock can be heard so she walk at the door and open them to see Soobin with a box of donuts and a smile on his face "can i come in?" He asks. She should say No, she's already cheating with Minji and letting Soobin in at their house is in another level of disrespecting.

The next thing Hanni knew she's at the couch beside Soobin watching movies as his head rest on her shoulder she gulp as her skin crawl at his touch, she wanna push him away but he didnt budge.

"Soob you should go" she breathe deep "yeah, you should probably go" she added

"Go where?" He asks as his lips brush to her neck leaving kisses to the hollow of her neck "here?" He asks as he move to her jaw "or here?" He asks once more she hold her breath asking herself why can't she push him away.

"Home please" she begged the man didn't budge and keep leaving kisses on her exposed shoulder and rub her cheeks with his thumb

"I am home with you" he said but she can't feel the sincerity in it she didn't even feel the sweetness just bitter taste of her own mistake and at last it will lead into losing one important person in her life and she got nothing to blame but herself alone. He tilt her head into facing him and she become powerless on him when he press his lips on hers.

She shut her eyes and reciprocate the kiss without thinking once or twice just kiss him like he was the world. The kiss lasted for few seconds as soon as they pulled out a string of saliva connects their lips "you should go i have classes" she said the man sigh in defeat and stood up before he leave he kiss her forehead.

When he leave their house she burst into tears, she's stupid, she's nothing but a stupid. The moment she let him in inside Minji's house is enough proof that she's nothing but a stupid woman. The conversation with Haerin in early morning came back in her mind.

She remember Haerin asks her  some things to imagine for her such as

"Imagine Minji walking with someone and her hands that you used to hold is in anothers grip and you have no longer rights to touch her " and she did she imagine that one day she will see Minji with another woman who is not her. Holding her hand as they walked together in the way they used too forms a soft crack in her heart.

"Imagine Minji hugging another woman in her warm embrace in her sleep, when she cooks, when she watch netflix and to look for some comfort" and she's not going to lie the soft small crack turns into a big damaged in her heart got her question herself how long can she live without those arms around her.

"Imagine Minji is not yours anymore and she will never be your again" and thats it her tears fall again and again, she ran at the sink grab her toothbrush and brush her teeth wash her mouth and fall on the tile floor just to cover her face with her two palms.

She feels disgusted for cheating at the woman who did nothing but to love her, Minji who loves her like she's life.  once again the door at the comfort room open and Haerin was there looking at her with no look of sympathy even a little as if she knows that her sister had lost its mind already.

"Are you hurting?" Haerin asks her so she nods

"Yes" she replied as she hugs herself, she burst more in tears when her sister engulf her in its warm embrace even thought she knows she hated her, Haerin can't resist her sister.

"I hope one day you open your eyes from all of this fucking mistakes... " Haerin said "and when that happens i hope it's not too late to change everything in the past"

She sigh and looked at the ring, the promise ring that given by Minji and she will always wore them even if in the end of time the ring will get replace by a wedding ring from another person. Her sister guide her to the couch and get her a glass of water and rub her back into comforting her and it did work.

"Look, i won't tell anyone or anything about this but you have to do it on your own... Break things off if you already made up your mind." Haerin stated "the more you make this cheating last the more the casualty will get bigger and bigger, and as soon as Minji realize the loving you is a waste and its useless she will hate you until her last breath and im sure you don't want that to happen" Haerin continue to speak like she is the oldest when in fact she's the youngest between the two ot them.

She shut her eyes and everytime she close them the image of Minji leaving her comes off and she can't do anything but to shrugged the thoughts off, its too early to think of those things and for sure she can't live a life with hatred from someone she treasure in her life, from someone she want to build a happy family with, she can't live a life happily without Kim Minji.

"Im doing this not just for you, but for me too" Haerin said so she look at her and the woman was looking at the ceiling "i might lose Danielle unnie... If i keep protecting you and keeping this secret of yours there is no question left cause i will really lose her and i can't afford that" Haerin added as worries draws in her face and tears brimmed at the corner of her eyes "i sacrifice a lot of things for you unnie but this one? I don't know"

She was right, she gave a lot of things for Hanni, and Hanni isn't selfish to let her sister get hurt by losing what makes her happy the most. Fine, its okay if she get hurt but not Haerin, it's the first time Haerin had fallen in love and Hanni knows that she can't let Haerin feel an unexplainable agony because Danielle hated her for protecting her sister who is a cheater.

She wipe away the tears and look at Haerin as she held both hands in hers "okay, I'll tell Minji and break things... I'll explain Danielle too about this" she said Haerin hug her and sobbed

"Im so scared what will happen if she knows... Please unnie choose wisely, stop thinking about our father's last wishes... The important is we're happy and nothing is more better than that" Hanni nods but clearly not going to listen whatever Haerin said, she made up her mind and for the better she's leaving Minji.

After cheating she knows she doesn't deserve to live a happy life with Minji, she knows Minji will never push her away, she will keep on pulling her in and she will get blind by the fact that Hanni betray her and lie on her.

"Go home Haerin... I'll fix my problems on my own... " she said Haerin sigh and hug her before leaving her all alone.

At this day she had made up her mind, she will tell Minji about her choice and cheating. She will accept the fact that she will lose the woman and the happy life she's living now.

I hope i can hug and love you more....

Living without you sucks but i have to fulfill my fathers wishes im sorry my only one...

-Pham Hanni.