AUTUMN/Bbangsaz (NJ FF SERIES 1)

chapter thirty-four.

𝙿𝚑𝚊𝚖 𝙷𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚒𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚠.

I love and I fail to protect that kind of loving, the more I think of it everyday, the more I break my heart. Kim Minji is gone, she's gone....

My head hurts, same as my heart the woman I love is gone,why does it need to happen to us? Why us?. Every second I think of her I wonder what will happen if I didn't cheat, will we able to marry each other and be happy together? If I just trust her and trust the process everything will happen according to what we want. I wanna be with Minji until I die, until there is no more heart beat left in me.

there's a lot of plans we haven't done yet, we're not even half of our list but i am here left alone on my own, without anything it would be better if i have my sister here but Haerin is far too mad to me.

i just want one thing in my life... and that's having Minji again, please send her back to me i promise to treat her good, love her better and never hurt her again.

two days ago, i lost my girl, i lost Kim Minji in a most tragic way, i lose her and its all my freaking fault got no one to blame but myself. on that day i really tried my best to beg on Mr.Kim to let me see Minji and hold her hand, tell her i was sorry for everything, kiss her lips because i miss her so bad, but Mr.Kim trusted personal guards had carry me out of the hospital and they never let me meet my lover.

it keeps ringing in my head, keeps on repeating those words he said before he kick me out of the hospital

"you don't deserve my daughter... she's way out of your league, now she's dead i will cut the last connection she have to you" he said and held my hand to take the ring that Minji gave and the other ring that i use as a pendant in my necklace because im hoping that one sunny day i will be able to wear it back to Minji's fingers. i remember how i beg for him to gave it back to me, at least a memory for me to hold on to.

i can lose everything i have but i can't lose Kim Minji, i cant lose her yet i already did. she's gone, why am i so careless in my actions?

they never know just how much i would give up jut to have you back on my life again Kim Minji...

my tears falls again as i look at her picture drink the bitter liquid in my hand as i sat at the ground and rest my back at the side of the bed and let my tears to fall. i stare at it and a tear drops on it "i miss you, i miss you... please... tell me you're alive, give me a sign that you are not really dead... that i can still fix what I've broken... please comeback to me" i plead as if she can hear me, as if those words are enough to bring her back at me

i made a mistake, now im living the consequences. I regret it, i really do and im really sorry my love

If life had a rewind button i will gladly go back in the day we met, i will fix things for us, choose a better choices, and love you in the same way you do. but i can't undo the things that I've done, can bring you back in life... i can't change anything anymore, i will forever live in this kind of grief... in this kind of hurting where i learn that i am completely no one without you.

How do i say the words “Im Sorry”  when i know that words are not enough? And how can i ask you to forgive me if you're gone and i can't even forgive myself for hurting you...

i kill her, maybe i don't use my hands, i don't use anything to kill her but the pain i gave to her became the reason why she's gone now. How can i move in the next chapters in my life when i can't be with Minji to move together like we usually do?