𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗺𝗲𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗲. 𝗬𝗼𝘂, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝘆𝗼𝘂.
The Catching Fire book 🏹.
Melanie Clark and Cato Hadley won the 74th Hunger Games but many people didn't like this, especially Pre...
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~•~•~•~ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐬. ~•~•~•~
The sound of the mockingjays songs soothes me. I can listen to them sing all day. They remind me of little Rue, whose favorite thing was music. These are her birds, her friends... or at least they were.
As I walk in the forest and listen to the beautiful voices of these magnificent birds, the sky begins to darken. A strong wind is beginning to form, which tells me that there will be a storm. For a moment, my hair blocks my view and I wave my hands to brush it away. It was so sunny outside, where did this storm come from? I take my bow and decide to leave the forest.
As I run to find the way out of the forest, I realize that I can't really get out. All roads lead me to the same place. It's weird because I've known this forest since I was 5 years old, I'm supposed to know where the way out is. I stand confused in one place and then I hear the mockingjays stop singing. In their place, I hear something that completely terrifies me.
"Melanie, please! Kill me!" I hear Cato's cries. I immediately rush in the direction of the sound.
"Cato?!" I shout back.
I don't get any meaningful response, instead, I keep listening to his cries of pain. At one point they start to become painful to listen to and I can feel my eyes watering. I run like crazy, bumping into the tree branches but I can't find Cato. I can feel his screams starting to drive me crazy because they are getting louder than ever. I find myself with my hands over my ears, trying to block out the sound of Cato dying.
When his cries start to get quieter, I manage to find him. My eyes widen when I see the sight. The mutts keep eating his body.
"You should have killed me, Melly. Now I'll have to remember this moment for the rest of my life, and it's because of you. Only because of you." Cato says in pain.
I feel guilt wash over me and find it hard to breathe. I try to say something but it seems like I have no voice left. I'm starting to feel the pain Thresh caused me when he grabbed my neck.
Just when I'm almost out of breath, I open my eyes and start coughing. It was all a nightmare, not true. That's what I keep saying to myself as I try to calm down. Another realistic nightmare since I got back from the arena. Not a night has gone by without me dreaming of my worst moments from this place.
It has been thirty-six days since we returned from the Capitol, and every day is torture for me. I thought that when I came back from the arena, everything would be fine, even better than when it was before. Turns out I was wrong, things are definitely not better.
The only thing that can calm me down after these nights is Layla, who sleeps at my house quite often. Tonight, however, she is with her family, because of me they can't see her. I feel bad they don't spend time with her, but when she's gone, my recovery from these nightmares is almost impossible. And right now I need her.
My whole body is shaking from the fear I experienced in the dream. I try to calm my breathing but it seems very difficult to do so. At first, it took me three to five minutes to convince myself that the dream wasn't real, but now that I'm used to it, I know it was just a nightmare. However, my brain keeps replaying the moments from the arena and it drives me even more crazy.
I try to focus on other things and so I start counting to ten. After seeing that there is no change, I count to twenty and so on until I reach a hundred. Nothing. All I can think about right now is the mutts and Cato. Without a doubt, my nightmares with him are the worst and the hardest to calm down after.
Sometimes I want to tell him about all these nightmares and ask him if he has them too. I wish he was here by my side right now to comfort me. The reason for this is, it's because I'm afraid to talk to Cato. We haven't spoken since I got on the train for home. Now that we both have phones, he's called me a few times, but I don't feel ready to answer. Every time I said to myself the words "Next time" and never did.
Why does everything have to be so difficult? I wish the circumstances were simpler than they are now. If Cato hadn't been that kind of person and President Snow hadn't felt the urge to kill me, things might have been fine. But unfortunately, nothing is as we want it. I can't change Cato's mind and stop Snow's hatred towards me.
But I know one thing for sure: my panic attack isn't going to stop anytime soon. My body is still shaking and my breathing is still erratic. I want it to stop, I want to forget this all happened. How much longer will go on? Until someone else wins? Maybe I should talk to Haymitch about this.
I start counting again.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
I look at the clock and see it's two a.m. It's not even the end of the night.
11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20.
Inhale, exhale. That's all I have to do right now.
21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30.
I can't anymore. I have to do something to make it stop. I want it to stop.
31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40.
I'm going crazy. I'll never be the same. I don't want to feel this way, I want my normal thoughts.
Losing my parents was trauma enough. At times like this, I wish they were alive, to reassure me and tell me that everything will be okay. To say they love me despite what I did in the arena. But maybe at least that's a good thing. They didn't see their daughter killing all those innocent children. To them, I'm still their little girl.
I decide to get out of bed and walk around the kitchen. I step with my bare feet on the cold floor, but this is not the thing that makes a big impression on me. I notice the phone on the kitchen counter. I stand still for a few seconds and keep my eyes on it.
Don't do something stupid.
I need him. I know it. I just can't admit it to myself, but if I touch this phone it will become obvious. Crazy thoughts start running through my head.
Only he can calm me down right now. I just need to hear his voice and then I will know that everything is fine. Without realizing what I'm doing, the phone is already in my hands. His phone number has been saved since I got the phone. The only thing that is asked of me is to press one button.
I think for a few seconds. Nothing will happen if I try, he will hardly pick up at this time. Who in their right mind would be on the phone at two in the morning? With trembling hands, I press the button.
Thirty seconds pass and I understand that he won't pick up. I knew it. Just as I'm about to hang up, I hear the voice.
