A Wolf's Miracle

Chapter 44

I had no idea what happened, but as soon as Harlan came back with Violette the next day he was back at being mad at me. And honestly, I was annoyed at him as well. Harlan. A man with so many secrets and new friends.

Were they sleeping together?

Gosh, this was too much, I was losing my mind. I didn't know anything about this man, and this wasn't healthy. I had fallen for someone who wasn't talking to me at all. Did he even feel the same?

And even if he didn't aren't we supposed to be friends?

I really needed to train this morning to take my mind off of things, but Blaze never showed up.

"Are you going to eat that?" Damien said, interrupting my thoughts. He must have been staring at me for quite some time but honestly, I didn't even notice he was in the room. The kitchen was big and all but it was mostly because I wasn't here at all.

"Why do you want it?" I said looking down at my pancake. It was a mangled mess with so many holes it didn't look appetizing at all. I had destroyed the poor thing and hadn't realized it.

He looked at me like I was crazy "No. Never, In fact, I don't think you should eat it anymore" he surveyed it again "No one should. It looks like vomit."

"It isn't that bad" I lied, it was, he was right. 

"So, what did my little brother do now?" he ask giving me a knowing look.

I wasn't comfortable telling him about his brother's clear trust issues, possible abandonment issues, and obvious PTSD. Besides, I was trying my best not to analyze him, so I couldn't know for sure. I don't analyze my friends. I had to learn this the hard way. Remember why I said I didn't have many friends before?

I was going to expertly avoid his question, but then I remembered I still needed a place to lock myself up. "He won't let me use the dungeons to lock myself up and he also won't tell me a good reason why,"

He took a deep breath, a steading one, I guessed. "He has a very good reason why, it is a horrible place." He looked away. "Besides, you shouldn't be locking yourself up, you should be out enjoying the experience."

"I don't want to put anyone in danger, please understand I am still barely healing from my recent trauma." I looked down "Sometimes I feel like all of you are so desensitized from gore and murder, possibly because you were raised in it, raised surrounded by it" I looked into the green of his eyes and it was like contemplating a forest "Maybe that made you mentally stronger, but I doubt that, I can see the manifestations of your pain. Is it guilt?" Maybe I was overstepping, maybe this would be too much, too soon, but I was tired of tiptoeing around it.

"No, believe me, the things we saw are nothing compared to the things we were forced to do" He sighed, his jaw tense "One day he'll tell you about it, Harlan went through the worst part of it," he said "Now, I will say one thing, If there is something none of us would ever regret, is killing to save ourselves and others," he said that with such intensity I felt it resonate with me on a very deep level. 

"Don't let yourself feel guilty for doing what's right, much less when what you did is for yourself."

Damien looked me in the eye for a moment and then finally said "If you want to go down and lock yourself in the dungeons I won't stop you, you just do what you need to do to make sure you survive" he still looked apprehensive, like he hoped I would back down, but I wouldn't. I trusted Blaze's judgment, I trusted this place could hold me.

And honestly, that was an understatement,

____

I had never seen a place more reminiscent of a torture chamber. It looked like a medieval prison. There were metal bars everywhere, but these were thicker than normal, they were as thick as my arm. 

There were chains hanging from the ceiling and it was so dark and moist. There was a table on one of the cells that looked like it was built to incapacitate and hold a man as tall as Harlan and Damien. The place was lifeless and depressing. It smelled like rust mixed with blood.

I suddenly felt myself understanding why Harlan didn't want me down here. What did they use this place for? Torture, obviously, but of whom? 

"God, this place," Blaze started "I had never been down here, it has such a heavy aura."

I had asked Blaze to come with me after I told him I got Damien's permission. I managed to find him roaming around the house.
He wasn't exactly ecstatic as he explained I had undermined Harlan's authority and he wouldn't be too happy about that, but I couldn't care less. The full moon was tomorrow.

"This is nightmare-inducing," I said, not knowing how right I was. "If I ask you to stay by my side will you?" I honestly wouldn't be very comfortable in this place by myself.

"Of course, I'll ask everyone to come by before the ceremony," he said with a sweet smile. "I'll stay with you all night, but the rest of them have a duty to fulfill"

"You guys have ceremonies for the full moon as well?" I asked, embarrassed of how little I knew about my friends' religions.

"Yeah, not every full moon-- I mean, we used to but-... Let's just say we are starting again with this one" he said with an awkward smile. "They're beautiful, a lot of food and dancing and praying and chanting..." I stopped listening, he looked so happy and excited I simply couldn't ask him to stay with me during the ceremony. So I told him to go, that I'd be fine. He didn't want to concede but he ended up agreeing after some convincing.

I would be fine, this place wouldn't be the end of me, and my fears do not control me.

Or do they?