Act of love

Chapter Twenty

Zachary
24 December 2021
Dear Satan,
Yes, it's me again, usually I don't write more then once a week, but today is the second or even third time. I made a promise to myself that I would visit Anfisa in the mental hospital everyday. But I've just been too busy, maybe that's the excuse I'm making, and the real reason is... I can't look her in the eyes knowing her parents are in town, knowing I met her parents even. Hell I even treated her little brother medically.
Every day at work I imagine her looking out the window waiting for my car to pull up so she can see me again. It absolutely breaks my heart, I don't know how much longer I can keep this act up. I know I have to see her, face her. But I just can't lie. That's why I'm going to be open and honest Satan. Every question she has I will answer honest and truly. Even the fact that this morning I went to them and asked them most of my questions.
They indeed were Anfisa her parents and they were in town because they're looking for their daughters. They want to show how much they changed. Not that I really can give my opinion about this because I didn't go through years worth of trauma, but they seemed so genuine. I told them I might be able to help them with coming in contact with her, but if she didn't want it I would completely understand. Of course I wanted to get raging mad at her dad. But I stayed calm, I introduced myself as her boyfriend, nothing more. It didn't feel like he had much important stuff to say to me either.
Her mother... She is the opposite, she wanted to ask all questions about what kind of person Anfisa has become. I tried to answer as best as I can, but I don't know too much about her yet, we haven't gotten to the deepest of dark conversation. Maybe that's better with the state her mental health is in currently. I kept that a secret, it's her choice to tell her parents how she is mentally.

Anfisa
24 December 2021
Dear Diary
It's day four of being in this support group. I still don't have a single coin. I don't need the damn coins. Laurence told me that tomorrow on Christmas he will be using five of ten of his coins to go the movies and a restaurant after. He invited me to come along, of course miss Adams doesn't agree with that because I haven't been opening up good enough. Screw her, I don't care that she will read this anymore. I hate it here so much, I just need to be home with Zachary. Here I have all the time of the world to think about all my depressing thoughts. So I don't get better, I get a extra mental health issue depression!
There isn't really a specific reason why I don't want to open up. Maybe I'm scared, if I do will one of these manic episode's happen again? I've had a terrible one yesterday. I went to the bathroom and there my mother was, hung by a thin piece of rope. With my dad next to it smiling. There also was a little boy, can you believe it! That poor little man.
No Anfisa, it's not real. I even started talking to myself because I can't seem to find a good connection with the people here, other then Laurence. He is the only person who truly understands me, because he's going through the same thing. I haven't opened up fully, but I am trying my best, I know he won't say anything to anyone.
I want to write more and more, it's the only thing curing this boredom God. But I have nothing to talk about, nothing happens in this stupid support group. Why do I even call it that, it's just a mental institution with a funny name.
Immediately after lunch it's visit hours. Everyone get's a visitor, except for me. Usually someone parents visit, except for Nina she's an orphan. Sometimes I feel like an orphan too, because my parents are dead to me. Maybe my dad is, he got quite old.
But Nina's boyfriend comes to visit her every day to make her feel less lonely in here, and less like an orphan. Even though she's close with all the other girls. I guess I'm an outcast, Melody probably told them not to talk to me after I was rude to her, some kind of revenge.
Zachary doesn't even bother to visit, I bet he will break up with me if he ever visits. Or maybe he will break up with me through text if I get my phone ever. Oh wait, in order to get your phone you need to behave and be open in therapy sessions. Fuck. This. Institution.

"Anfisa! Are you coming down?! It's visiting time." Usually this hour is just an hour of free time for me while everyone else spends it in a more fun way.
"I never have visitors!" I yell back just as loud.
"Come down stairs now!" With a sigh I push my diary to the same place as always. Hiding it from everyone who might possibly read it.
In my pajama's I shuffle down the stairs. I know the rule is, no pajama's on Monday through Friday, and it's Friday. But it's Christmas, I guess that's a valid excuse.
"Where are your clothes?" One of the 'care takers' questions me in a rude tone. No one seems to really like me here. I don't really like myself either.
"Come on it's Christmas." Her arms fold over her chest, the chest that is too large to even fit in a singular bra.
"Fine for now, you have a visitor."
My posture changes in an instant, that must be Zachary! To break up with me... A flood of sadness washes over me. My expression falls to the floor.
"He is waiting for you in the room next door." As I walk into the room the care taker pointed me to, I see that I'm not alone.
Melody is in the arms of her boyfriend with a few girls who seem the same age as me.
Laurence is with his parents and a little girl, supposedly his sister.
As usual Nina is with her boyfriend and Luna, she's with a friend but seems too shy to speak.
My eyes scan the room until they fall on Zachary, right in the corner of the room, seated on a table just for two people. The way towards him seems to have grown from ten feet to a hundred.
"Hey Zach."
"Hello Anfisa." He stands up to hug me, what I agree on. I wrap my arms around his chest tightly. His hands touch my waist gently. Then I notice how well he is dressed. Even a tie...
"So, why did you decide to visit?" I ask after we both sit down. The chair is way too rusty and gross to actually sit on. But I don't want to cause a scene.
Zach is gripping a glass of water, holding onto it for dear life.
"I'm sorry, I didn't visit earlier baby. Believe me I wanted to." I lean back on the chair that almost seems to break. "We need to have a talk."
Oh God, here it comes. The time I am going to get broken up with. The tears already grow in my eyes, we didn't date for long. But I enjoyed it a lot, he helped me through the grief of Dalton.
"I spoke to your parents." My heart skips a beat, not just one, many. I don't know which option is worse, getting broken up with or Zach talking to my parents.
The glass he held firmly, I now hold tightly before taking a sip. All the memories, all the flashbacks return. The pain starts again, this endless pain.
"You did what?" He doesn't repeat the bomb he just dropped on me, because he knows I heard him loud and clear. "Why would you even?..." My breath stops mid sentence.
"Let me explain, I was working and your parents and brother came in with a mild car crash. They're okay now."
"Brother?" His breath wasn't done, meaning he wasn't done talking, but I can't help my curiosity. "I don't have a brother." If this was a cartoon hundreds of question marks would appear above my head right now.
"Maybe it was your nephew, his name is Chase Diamond." I try to dig through my memory, I don't have many memories with my family. But I sure don't know someone named Chase.
"How old is he?" As answer he gives me three. Three years old. Exactly three years ago I left my family. My breath stops
"Maybe he is my brother..." I take as a conclusion. My eyes quit making eye contact with his. "What did they want?"
"To talk, I said I'll suggest it to you but can't guarantee you would want that." As much as I hate them, and I don't want to see them. I need to know if I have a little brother and if he is safe.
"Bring them after Christmas." Zach seems surprised by my reaction, but doesn't question it.
"Hey hey pretty girl." A deeper voice from behind says.
His hand fold onto my shoulders, by the look of his ring I know it's Laurence.
"Laurence, don't you need to speak with your parents or something?" He looks at me with a sad face, like I deeply hurt his feelings. I know he can handle it.
"Excuse me?" The demeanor in Zachary changes in an instant.
"Hey bro, I'm Laurence, also in this support group, been here for so long." The dive in his brows show how angry he is. "Why don't you go I want to finish this visit, then I'll be right with you." Without adding more words to the conversation he leaves.
"So that's what's going on when I'm not here?" Zach grabs his bag of the floor to leave and tightens his jaw.
"Wait, I know that seemed very suspicious, but I promise you it's not." My hand wraps around his to stop him from walking away, which works for a quick second. "I promise you, that I want you. And as soon as I get out of here, it's you and me against the world, and I won't even recognize him anymore. He's my only friend, just a friend." I have to catch my breath after ranting. My mind keeps repeating the same words. "Don't leave angry."
"It's fine, I trust you. I will be back tomorrow." The fact that his voice sounds a lot calmer doesn't mean I feel less tension. He is still mad.
I jump up when the clock rings.
"Visiting time is over, all visitors please make your way to the exit." His lips touch my cheek for a second, leaving me flustered and blushing in the room.
The next one and a half hour is free time, which I decide to spent here, in this very room. Alone. Thinking about what Zachary just told me. I might have a little brother. My childhood dream.
"What a serious guy is that, his expression, his clothes. What did he need from you?" Laurence speaks up without even greeting me. The words he said were quite offending, not just to him. Yes, sometimes Zachary can come off as a bit intense, but that's because he's just as protective over his loved ones as I am. And currently Zachary is all I have.
"My family wants to speak to me again." I don't tell him he's my boyfriend yet, he can figure it out on his own. Or maybe a part of me doesn't want him to know, so he will take me on that date tonight. I shake my head to get all these thoughts out. Why do I think like this? I have a boyfriend and I love him more then anything.
"Anfisa? Are you going to answer my question?"
"What?" When I fail to answer his question again he asks it for a third time.
"What happened with your family?"
"None of your concerns." I give him as a straight answer, not even giving him the second to pause after his sentence.
The ticking of the clock on the wall makes me nervous. It has been fifteen minutes and about twenty seconds since Zachary left.
"Fine, then don't answer me, stay in here all alone while I am your only friend who cares about you here. You're here to get better right? Well then open up and show it!"
Great, another person who's angry at me today.