𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐞 - 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞

d r e a m

Madeleine Black (tw: self harm, skip the first part if you are uncomfortable with it.)

2 months later

i felt disgusting in my own body. i cant even look at myself in the mirror without feeling like i was gonna throw up.

i hated axel, i hated him.

i looked at myself in the mirror as the shower ran. i looked at every curve.. feeling disgusted with myself.

i should've said no.

i opened my drawer, pushing aside combs and hairbands till i found it.

razor blade.

i hated hurting myself, i always have. but in this moment.. so much was in my mind, i couldn't stop myself.

i looked back up at the mirror and removed my concealing charm, showing my cut on my collarbone.

i breath heavily and i slowly point the blade to it, scratching down where the scar was.

blood quickly ran down my chest and i felt burning in my collarbone.

i cry out, quickly dropping the blade fron my grip, holding my collarbone as tears rolled down my cheek.

i felt the blood run down through my hand, and dripping on the floor.

i look at myself in the mirror again, my hand covered in blood and my eyes red and eyelashes wet from crying.

i shook my head, grabbing a towel and putting on my collarbone to help the bleeding. in that moment, i felt.. relieved?

i know it was a bad habit but sometimes theres nothing else you can do in that moment.

(if you suffer from self harm, go to www.wannatalkaboutit.com - i love you <3)

-

i was eating dinner with my family in complete silence, it was really awkward.

we never really talked during dinner.. and there is nothing to talk about now for sure.

'so maddy..' my dad finally spoke, dropping his fork onto his plate. 'do you wanna talk about it now?..'

'whats there to talk about?' i snap. 'my nudes got spread and now im a slut.'

'honey, you're not a slut.. you just made a mistake and thats okay.' my mom smiles comfortingly.

'i am a slut, god i should've said no.' i breath out, running my hands down my face.