TBATE - Never Ending

My Worthl̶e̶s̶s̶n̶e̶s̶s̶ - 🅁🄾🄾🄺

🅴🅻🅴🅰🅽🅾🆁 🅻🅴🆈🆆🅸🅽

I shut the door to my room behind me and leaned back against it. Hitting the back of my head slightly against the door. I tried to hold my tears back. But few went astray and roled down my cheeks.

I don't even know why I want to cry. Or is there really a reason for me to cry?

I pushed myself of the door. Slowly walking to my bed with slump shoulders and my hair hanging over my face. I fell face first on my bed momentarily bouncing a little bit. I let myself sink into the soft mattress.

"Why am I the only one that gets left behind?" I whispered to myself. My voice muffled by the cover of my bed.

*knock knock knock

"Ellie! May I come in?"

I stayed silent. I didn't feel like responding, afraid that my voice may crack. Without my permission, she opened the door and stepped in. I looked at her worried face from between the folds of the covers that had formed.

"Why did you suddenly run away?" she walked over and took a seat beside me on the bed. Placing a hand on my back. Soothing me but something broke and more tears flooded my eyes. I lay there silently crying, my tears staining the pearl white sheets.

I balled my hand into a fist, griping the sheets in my palm.

"Why..." It was hard to hold myself back. "Why haven't I awakened?" my voice wavered a bit but I managed to hold my composure.

"Ellie..." my started. "... All in due time. Just a little bi-"

"Why!?" I sprang upright on sitting on my legs.

"Why am I not as strong as them!? Why can't I..!? Why am I the only one that gets left behind!?

Something snapped and stop holding myself back. I don't know what it was but... deep down... I had been imitating them. Hoping to be as strong as them. But it's... hard.

I looked at my mother through my half wet bangs that stuck to my face.

"I... I don't know..." she can't seem to look me in the eyes. Tears were threatening to fall any moment. She then suddenly embraced me in a hug. I was stunned and reciprocate it at first. But then slowing wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm sorry..." she tightened.

I was at a loss for words. Why is she apologizing? It's not her fault. Actually why am I crying in the first place?

"You shouldn't... apologize, mom." I embraced her tighter.

"No. It is. If haven't... you could've lived normal lives... I'm sorry." she cried. Fumbling with her words.

"Pwease don't cry..." I said. My voice muffled because I buried my heaf in the crook of her neck.

We sat there for a while in the same position. Comforting one another in each other's arms.

"I guess Virion is right. Maybe I really am the younger sibling." I half laughed breaking out her embrace and wiping my now wet cheeks with the palm of my hands.

(A/N : No sus intended.)

She chuckled a bit and wiped off the tears that stained her cheeks. "But don't compare yourself to them or any other person for that matter. You'll only end up hurting yourself." she put a hand on my shoulder. Looking me in the eye.

"Yes, mother." I said. Half-embarrassed at myself for comparing me to my brother's. And besides, no one can compare to them.

"You'll just have to wait a little longer."

"But there has to be something I can do..." I said meekly, fiddling with my fingers.

Is that all I can do?

Just sit and wait?

Arthur is preparing to go to Xyrus Academy and join Lilia there. And my 'little' brother is going of adventuring.

I'm the only left behind. I'm-

" Instead of focusing on the result you should instead focus on the process of getting there." My mother interrupted my depressing thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you should focus more in what your doing instead of the objective. For example, are you slacking of in your training? Or what can you do other than focusing on you Mana Core?"

With just a few words my mother had changed my perspective. And I can feel something well-up inside me.

My path was now clear as day.

I leaned forward and hugged my mother. She also wrapped her arms around me.

" You just have to be the best you can be..." She said. Her voice so warm and soft while she hugged me. Everything about her is so... gentle.

"... Someone you can be proud of."

"Okayy..." I said softly yet reassuringly . "But mom, are you okay with Virion going into the dungeons?"

"No, of course not." she said.

"Then why?"

"It's hard to say but I feel like I can trust him. Not that I don't trust the others it's just... well, ambivalent?"

"Trust him?" I inquired.

"I don't want to compare the two but unlike Arthur there is always a air of certainty around Virion. Despite his insouciant attitude... or maybe it is because he is certain that he acts so carefree..." my mother's voice dwindled like a light breeze in the hot summer.

"Is mom saying he is hiding something?" I asked. It is quite plausible. I had thought it was weird or just me being weird but I couldn't hear his footsteps or feel his presence until he had touched me.

Is it mana? Yes.

But it isn't something a 7-year old kid would learn or even come up with.

"I don't want to speculate but... I think so. Both of them actually." she said in thought. "Well, whatever the case, I don't think it's good thinking much about it." she sighed. But I could tell she was still thinking about this even if she didn't mean too.

"Well, Virion does certainly act weird. I rarely see him smile or surprised even if he acts so nonchalant."

"Indeed. It worries me." she responded. Not to me in particular but like I was a voice echoing her thoughts.

"Coupled with Dad, they only cause trouble." I chuckled to myself. Mom also laughed a bit.

Wait.

I sound like a old woman!

Damn...I guess Virion is rubbing of on me.

......

(A/N : You guys have to bear with me. I can't write emotional scenes. It's very... not like me? I don't know. But I'll do my best.

I'm also sick at the moment so don't mind the errors if you will.

Hope you enjoyed!)