Chapter 17

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Y/N's POV

I woke up the next morning with searing pains and aches plaguing my entire body. But somehow all I could think about were Thomas' words.

Well I was barely conscious and my hearing was fuzzy, but it couldn't have been anyone else. He was with me when I woke up, and because he couldn't save me it makes sense he wouldn't leave my side.

I had a lurking pang of yearning in the back of my mind since my encounter with Newt yesterday. I had successfully suppressed it until now, but now I wasn't distracted by other people or unbearable pain. It was just me and my thoughts.

My heart felt heavy after hearing someone tell me they loved me. I didn't fully realize until now, but the reason it felt like there was a hole in my heart was because for as long as I can remember, Newt was always the one who I imagined—no longed—to say those words to me.

I shake my head. I had to let my pipe dream go. He didn't care about me anymore. He made that incredibly clear when he walked away and only seemed to acknowledge my existence after I was basically torn to shreds. No doubt I had Minho to than for that; he's always managed to convince others to show compassion and kindness.

My thoughts shift back to the greenie. Well he definitely wasn't unattractive in any sense of the word. In fact, he's quite handsome. He's kind, caring, honest, and I genuinely liked spending time with him. Technically, there was no reason to shy away from him. But there was no electricity. I've never felt my pulse quicken when he enters a room or felt shivers down my spine when our hands brushed.

Not like the shivers I felt when I used to touch—

I immediately snap myself out of it. I'm definitely not going to let myself finish that thought. My spinning mind drifted to a new train of thought.

Maybe I could learn to love Thomas back.

After all, it could definitely be someone worse. He was perfect in almost every way, and I know he could never shatter my heart the way it had been before. Thomas was safe. He could pick up the pieces, make me whole again. There's no way I couldn't be happy with him. Right?

I immediately shoved any doubt out of my mind. I've been wallowing in self pity for too long over a certain someone. It's time to move on. It's time to feel happy and free again.

I vowed to myself not to spill anymore tears over Newt. It wasn't worth it anymore.

*** 2 weeks later ***

The medjacks have been helping me get myself into shape almost everyday, and despite my best efforts, I still can't seem to get around without these stupid makeshift crutches that seem to inflict more pain on my underarms than healing they provide for my barely functioning legs. Not to mention how wobbly and fragile they felt. God, I hated feeling weak.

Thomas has been quite the gentleman. He's even been giving me piggyback rides around the glade because he knew how much I hated my crutches. I have enjoyed his company. I really have, but I didn't feel anything yet.

Yet.

Feelings are developed. They don't just appear overnight, I tell myself.

I continued to dredge to my cot and my shack hut from the medjacks' hut. Those two and our dinner tables seemingly being the only places I'm ever at nowadays. I'm too exhausted to stay active all day, so I spend most of my time resting. It's driving me insane. I'm a runner, and now I can't even walk.

Was. I was a runner.

That reality hit me like a wave of bricks. I'd likely never be fit enough to run the maze again. I'd be confined to the glade. Stuck inside these stupid walls.

I finally made it to my cot after what seemed like five hours even though it was at max ten minutes. I threw myself on my cot, dropping my crutches to the ground without any regards to their wellbeing.

But, when I flopped down I saw something foreign in my room out of the corner of my eye. When my eyes swept over to object I saw that the medjacks had left a brand new pair of crutches. But the only thing these had in common with my rickety ones was the shape. These new crutches looked well crafted, incredibly stable, and even maybe comfortable ?

I shot up to try them out, and I felt relief wash over me. I didn't feel like these would give out on me or like my arms were falling off. I could be normal, well as normal as possible for me at least.

I immediately shot out of my shack to make my way over to the medjacks to thank them for this incredibly thoughtful surprise.

I'm out of breath by the time I make it to their hut, but I still donned the biggest smile on my face since the last time I entered the maze. I basically almost fell on top of Clint, keeper of the medjacks, trying to hug him.

"Woah, woah, woah. What's got you
all smiley?" He asked.

"You know what," I replied as I rolled my eyes. "Thank you and Jeff so much for my new crutches. I finally feel like myself again," I said as I hugged him again.

"Y/N, I'm so happy you feel confident again, but neither Jeff nor I made those for you," he offered back to me with a slight frown.

What?

"Then where the hell did these come from?" I asked, absolutely puzzled.

"Your guess is as good as mine," he shrugged. "But I'm serious about what I said. The light in your eyes again makes my heart feel full"

I hugged and thanked him, and then I made my way out.

Then where the hell did these come from? And who the hell made them?

///////////////////////

back from the dead ?? kind of. maybe a little.

love y'all🫶

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⏰ Last updated: Jul 30, 2023 ⏰

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