Chapter 5

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TRIGGER WARNING//SELF HARM + SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

Y/N's POV

I came running out of the maze. As I ran through the threshold of the glade and started to slow down, all of my worries came rushing back. 

Running was my escape, but now I was back. Back to the glade. Back to my problems. Back to my fears. My mind started to wander to the events of last night.

I started to sprint to my hut with tears rushing down my face. I couldn't handle it. It was too much.

I slammed my door shut and launched myself into bed. I just laid there. Completely still, tears dripping down my face, and a few sniffles.

I rolled over and spotted my knife on my desk. All I could think about was redirecting my pain. It was my fault I was assaulted. It was my fault Newt tossed me aside. It was my fault I was hurting.

I didn't deserve to live. I didn't deserve to be happy.

I picked up the knife and lightly traced the top of my wrist with the tip of the knife. Something was telling me I shouldn't, but I did it.

I sliced my wrist, and saw the blood begin to seep out of the lines on my skin. It didn't feel good. But for a second, I forgot the myriad of problems in my life, and that felt good.


Newt's POV

I looked up from my work in the garden, and I saw Y/N sprinting back to her hut with tears rushing down her face. I felt a pang in my chest. Why was I worried? Why did I still care?

No. I'm not worried. I don't care. 

I lied to myself over and over again, hoping if I said it enough that I would believe it. 

I tried to shake that weird feeling in my chest, but I couldn't. By the time I was out of my thoughts, I realized my subconscious had taken my body somewhere else without me realizing it. I was outside of Y/N's hut.

My hand rose from my side as if it was going to knock, but it stopped.

I stood with my fist in the air prepared to knock on the door for about two minutes, but I couldn't do it. 

I felt my body begin to sink down as I leaned back on her door. I sat there for fifteen minutes before I shook my head, got up, and walked back to the garden.

I should've knocked.

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