My Life, My Forever (Sequel)

Chapter 46♡

(Phoebe's P.O.V)

On the way back home, Harper had fallen  asleep. The girls all adore her. It's so sweet. Driving to my appointment, I parked up outside. Texting Finn, I kept an eye on my little girl.

Today was great. I tried on my bridesmaid dress. I loved it. How was trying on your suit?xx

Picking up the car seat, I kissed her little cheek. Heading indoors, I went up to the desk. "Hi. I'm here to see Nadine." The lady then told me to sit down. I heard my phone.

Ahh babe, that's amazing. I'm sure that you looked incredible. How's my little princess? Oh, good luck for your appointment by the way. My suit looked pretty good. I love you xxx

He was a dream. Honestly. Texting him back, I saw Nadine walking towards me. 'Hi Phoebe. Come with me.' As I picked up the carseat, I followed her into her office. As I sat down, I took a deep breath. 'So hi! How are you?' I looked around.. 'I'm.. okay thanks.' She smiled at me. 'It's okay. You can be honest in here.' I then burst into tears.. 'She cries non stop. I can barely sit down. The first few weeks of being at home felt so weird..' Nadine then wrote some notes down. 'I completely understand how you're feeling. I have a 5 year old son. It is hard.' She asked me what it was like at home. 

'It's great. My partner is amazing. He loves our little girl so much. He loves me too. I love him." I then expressed my fears.. "I have this awful fear that something will happen to Harper. Like, I'll put her down for a nap and I'll suddenly panic and like stay awake for the whole afternoon.' Nadine said that was normal. 'You are just getting used to a new sleep schedule. You're going to be tired.' Looking at her, I felt another tear drop down my cheek.. 'Have you managed to do any self care yet?' I was honest. 'No.. things have been so up and down.' Nadine then gave me a piece of paper. 'How do you feel about doing 1 self care activity on a regular basis when Harper is having her sleep?' I said that sounded like a good idea. 

Writing down some ideas, I looked outside. The sun looked so beautiful. 

1. Arrange a regular alcohol free drink night via video call with some friends. 

2. Talk to my mom more. 

3. Have a night in with my boyfriend 

4. Take the time out to go out and exercise. 

5. Just have time to paint my nails, watch tv, or read. 

'I've finished.' Nadine smiled at me. 'Would you like to read them out? You can keep them to yourself if you like?' I asked her if that was okay. 'Yes that's fine. You can always email them to me as well.' I thanked her. 'Is there anything else that you would like to talk about?' I felt my hand shake a little bit.. 'I think that I am suffering from PND.' Nadine reassured me. 'How long have you been feeling like this?' I said for a few weeks.. 'When I first gave birth, I felt love when I saw her. Then, when I was discharged from the hospital, I felt fearful. Then, the first few days were just so overwhelming. She kept crying and there was just noise..' Nadine helped me calm down. Wiping my tears away, I took a deep breath. 'Do you feel like the first few days were a bit chaotic?' I looked at her. 'Yes.'  Nadine said that it was okay to feel like this. 'I'm meant to love her every day. My mom and my boyfriend looked after her for the first few days. All I did was sit in the bedroom and cry.' She then started to whimper a little bit. As I picked her up, she looked at me.. 'I think that she just wants a cuddle.' Nadine said that I was doing a good job. 'I think we should arrange another appointment.' I agreed. 'Thankyou.' Leaving with Harper, I made my way towards the car. As I strapped her in, I saw a text from Mom. 

I was thinking that we could watch a movie tonight. What do you think?x

Texting her back, I smiled. 'I love you so much.' Kissing my baby girl's little cheek, I made sure that she was warm. As I started driving, I put the radio on. The drive home was lovely.