LEVI 🔞

( 19 )

~astraia
[ 9:02 am ]

I wake up with a headache and a heavy body. I open my eyes facing the wall in an unfamiliar empty bed. Then I recollect everything that happened last night: the club, the street fight, sewing up Levi, throwing up; that was the last thing I remember. I move my eyes around the room, realizing we were in Levi's bedroom. I briefly close my eyes and sink further into his comfortable bed, inhaling the scent he leaves behind: that same warm musk that I found so comforting the first night we met, when he put his coat around me.

I slightly open my eyes. Why had I thought about that? I softly scoff to myself. The roller coaster this maniac had put me on. Everything about him sweet and kind, but his actions so rough and scary. What irony.

As I find myself thinking about Levi, I realize again that he was missing. I sit up and stretch as I do, then I throw the blankets from my body and swing my legs over the edge. I sleepily make my way out of his room where I immediately smell the aroma of food, along with the quiet sound of kitchen ambience and music playing from down the staircase. I walk across to my bathroom where I decide to start my usual morning routine first before going to greet him.

When I rinse my mouth of toothpaste and lean back up from the sink, I catch myself in the mirror. I've of course gotten used to making sure I looked decent; I've looked in the mirror to do my hair and match outfits. I've caught glances of my reflection and knew what I looked like. But now, it was different. I seem to actually see myself.

I reminisce on the sensation I felt last night: the fear at the club, the reminder that I was some sort of prey to the people around me, that feeling of failing to match up to Laura, someone I could never be, the dreadful thought of being manipulated to only be abandoned. That feeling was all I've ever known. All of that only reminded me of how ugly I felt. Nearly my entire life...

And then I remember how he just put his arms around me.

I look myself in the eyes. I realize how dark they are. They're almond shaped. And I don't know if it was the smeared mascara, but my lashes were kind of long. My nose was a little wide, the tip round and bridge undefined. Even without smiling, I could see the traces of my cheekbones. My chin was a little pointy; I'm surprised I haven't poked someone's eye out with it. I softly scoff to myself as I look down at my lips. Bigger than Levi's and rounder. I had a tiny mark on the side of my jaw, I couldn't tell if it was a scar or birthmark. I had a tiny mole on the side of my neck and another one near perfectly centered between my collarbones.

I then relive the short dance Levi and I had last night, how quickly he made all those ugly feelings wash away. I remember where he put my hands, how odd it felt to touch my own body and not recognize it.

I retrace my figure, as if his hands were still guiding mine again except the mirror let me see what I was touching this time. I look at how wide my hips were compared to the dip of my waistline. At my natural healthy weight, it was easy to see I had an hourglass shape. I had actual meat on my bones! There was muscle there, along with pudge and light cellulite on the back of my thighs. Damn... I have an ass... I was looking over my shoulder now, shocked. I turn back towards the mirror and move my hands up to my chest, cupping my boobs over the shirt. It was a handful, but my hands were small, so in actuality, it really wasn't much. It makes me think that Levi lies when he compliments them.

I drop my hands to my sides and lean over the sink a little to observe my skin closely. It was smooth for the most part; I had a few tiny bumps near my hairline, but that was probably from the hair gel I used; besides that, I had pretty clear skin. Might be a perk of the birth control I took as well. I meet my own gaze again.