ֆɨռɢʟɛ ɖɛֆȶɨռʏ|ȶɮɦӄ օռɛֆɦօȶֆ

okay (hanako x self-harm! reader)

a request from aaronlovesyourdad

hope this brings comfort to your mind and soul!

song recommendations:  CRY FOR ME by TWICE, Photo of My Mind by Song Ga In, and Flower by Yoon Mirae.

Y/N's PoV

It was a normal day during class, boring as ever. Most of the students were lost in thought or just doodling in their notebooks. My scars itched, but yet they hurt too much if I touched anywhere on my body near them. I wished that class would finally end, so I could see Hanako. 

He was my comfort.

My joy.

My pain.

He means everything to me, considering I love him more than anything, more than I could ever love myself. I hope to be good enough for him, and I strive to be perfect enough for him. Yet, I know that I'll never be good enough.  

It'd been about a year since we'd met. With Yashiro and Minamoto, we would help turn the apparitions back to their normal selves. Their rumors had changed, and so we had to defeat them I guess and return them to their original selves. The situation still doesn't make much sense to me, and we all still don't know who's been changing the rumors.

I've been doing a bit better since I'd met them all, not cutting as frequently as before. I still do though. 

It truly is hard to stop. 

The bell than rang, signaling me to head to Hanako. Everyone had already run out already, but I took my time to head out.

"L/N. Your grades have been just fine, but I'd like to talk to you." My teacher Tsuchigomori sighed, leaving me wandering what possibly could happen.

"L/N, as your teacher you should know I am always here if you need to talk. Okay?" He assured me. "Hm. Okay then." I responded, then running off to find Hanako.

I wasn't showing any signs of my sadness or anger, was I?

I hushed the thought away. There is no way. Nothing could ever happen like that. I then found Hanako's bathroom, finding Yashiro and Minamoto already there with him.

"Hi everyone. How was your day?" I asked them all. "Fine, but lonely when you weren't around Y/N! How's your day?" Hanako wrapped his arms my waist from behind me. "B-Boring." I flushed at his actions. "Okay everyone! Time to clean!" He announced, letting go of me. Yashiro and I grabbed mops and started cleaning.

"Y/N! Watch out!" Yashiro accidently knocked down the bucket filled with water that we were using, and it splashed everywhere on me. "OMG! I'm so sorry, are you alright?" She questioned, and the rest of them quickly surrounded the both of us. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'll just go change my clothes real quick." I rushed out of there, thoughts of panic flooding my head.

My bandages were wet. They were soon to fall off. I had to get out of there and change then before they fell off.

I finally found my locker, forcefully opening it and rapidly looking through my bag for a new hoodie and bandages. I then slammed it closed, finding Hanako behind it.

"Y/N-san? Why do you have band-aids? Did the water cause you to bleed or something?" He asked. "Uh no, but it's whatever. I'll go change really quick; you just go back to them." I responded. "Y/N! Wait!" He called. 

"What is it?" I wondered.  "You still look cute even with your hair wet!" He smirked. 

"Bitch do you think right now is the time to make me blush." I stated seriously. "Is it not?" Hanako then came up from behind me and snaked his hands around my waist. "I have to change! C'mon get off me!" I demanded.

"Fineee. Just don't be long, okay? I'll be right here waiting." Hanako said. I headed into the restroom.

First, I scraped my wet clothes off me, and slid on the hoodie I was wearing. My shorts hadn't gotten wet, so I was thankful for that. 

"Ow." I muttered after taking off the smallest bandage, then replacing it with a new one. "Ouch!" I accidently shouted. "Y/N, Are you alright?" I heard Hanako yell. "Yeah!" I lied. 

I then slowly pulled the next one off, trying not to yell at least. "Y/N? Do you need help or anything?" I ignored him. I had to get this done faster.

.

.

.

.

I was finally on the last one. Then I'd finally be able to get out and on with my life.

"Y/N-san. I think your taking way too long in there just for putting on a hoodie. I'm worried, so I'm gonna come in, okay?" I wasn't in a stall, so I rushed in one. 

"Y/N?"

Oh shit.

I'd left the bloody used bandages out there. And the last one I was about to put on. 

"Y/N-san... Are these all yours?"

"Yeah." I mumbled. I quickly wrapped some toilet paper around my arm and pulled my sleeve down. "Please, could you come out?" 

"Uhm.. yeah sure."

I opened the stall, and he was right there waiting for me.

"H-Hanako-kun.." Tears welled up in my eyes. I rushed towards him, and he welcomed me in his arms.

It all just felt so perfect.

I truly didn't ever want to let go.

He then kissed my forehead, and tears slowly fell down my cheeks. "A-ah! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to get your shirt wet!" I exclaimed, wiping away tears. We both quickly let go, somewhat embarrassed but yet worried.

"Could I look at your arm?" I nodded. I pulled my sleeve up and scraped off the stained toilet paper.

I trusted him more than anyone now.

Hanako then saw all my cuts and bruises, covered in bandages, and specks of blood around all my wounds.

"After meeting you all I didn't cut as frequently as before, and I kinda fell in love with you, but of course you wouldn't love me back, and I'm sorry that I'm not good enough-"

He then gently grabbed my face, holding it in his hands.

"Are you okay." He asked flatly.

"Yeah! I'm fine!" 

"No, Y/N. You aren't. But I'll be here for you, and I'll make sure you feel better than fine or alright." He smiled.

Tears welled up in my eyes again.

"And I love you, Y/N. More than you think." He grinned.

 Hanako kissed me right then and there after that.

I love him so much. 

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Sorry for not updating any sooner! I was very lazy and just bored and out of ideas for this. I try to update again this week or the next!