Chapter 37. I hate myself for losing you.

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'I hate myself for losing you, I'm seeing it all so clear.

I hate myself for losing you.

What do you do when you look in the mirror

and staring at you is why he's not here?

What do you say when everything you said

is the reason why he left you in the end?

How do you cry when every tear you shed

won't ever bring him back again?

I hate myself for losing you'.


End of January, 2013

Things at home weren’t going well at all. Leigh barely spoke to me, and Nate couldn’t do anything else to fix things between her and me. They were leaving in a week, and I didn’t want her to go in this state. I heard the bell ringing, and I went to open the door, but Leigh was faster and got there before I did. It was Harry. Just what I needed, one of them at my place. I went back to my room, grabbed a jacket, my guitar and my folder and went back to the living room, determined to leave. I wasn’t coming back until I made sure he was gone. They were sat on the couch, speaking.

“Hey”, I said to Harry.

“Maddie”, he stood up, “shall we speak?”

“I was just leaving”.

“It won’t take us long”.

“But…”

“Maddie, it’s important”.

I sighed.

“Alright”, I said.

“Can we speak just the two of us?”

“Sure, let’s go to my room”.

We arrived to my bedroom; I took off my jacket and left my stuff on the bed. I turned around and saw Harry impressed, looking at my walls. He kept staring at the ‘Keep me warm’ inscription.

“Did Niall write that?”, he asked.

“Yes”.

“An unmistakable calligraphy”.

I sat on a chair and he sat on my bed.

“Truth is that I wanted to speak about what happened between you and Niall”.

I sighed.

“Spit it out”, I finally said.

“I don’t understand why you did this”.

“There’s nothing to understand Harry, it’s the best for everyone”.

“Sure. But what I don’t understand is why you lost your virginity to him, just to ask him after for some time to think, over the phone, without any explanation”.

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