JJK Oneshots

Can't trust myself (Geto)

A/N: This was pretty much purely for me because of my psychosis symptoms reared their head again, so it's just comfort fluff.

Warnings: Mentions of hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, and sort of self destructive behavior

You hadn't been out of the house a single time during the last five days. Geto had been busy and he had barely been home other than to sleep. You woke up multiple times during the night, so you knew he was there beside you, but you didn't want to bother him, so you just let him sleep. You spent the minutes you were awake looking at him and listening to him breathe. Every now and then you reached your hand to move his hair off his face, but each time you pulled your hand away in fear that you would wake him.

You'd barely been eating and you'd gotten out of bed only when you absolutely had to. You were so anxious you could barely function. Every little noise around the house made you jump, and you felt like crying all the time. You weren't even sure if the sounds were real or if your mind was conjuring them up.

You were laying in bed for the fifth day in a row. Since Geto hadn't needed your help with his little cult, you hadn't had a reason to leave the house. The fridge was starting to look pretty empty and you were almost out of food, but you couldn't care less. Maybe you would just stop eating too. You weren't really sleeping, so what was a little hunger on top of that. You'd stop feeling it eventually, right?

Geto had noticed you hadn't been dropping in to see him for multiple days now. He decided to ditch his responsibilities for a few hours and go check on you. He knew you had been tired and anxious, but he didn't really grasp how bad it had gotten.

"I'm home love" he greeted as he closed the front door.

"Suguru, what are you doing here?" you asked, as you wobbled out of the bedroom, stopping in the doorframe.

"I came to see you, I was worried" Geto said and walked over to you, placing his hand on your cheek.

"Worried about what exactly?" you yawned and rubbed the back of your neck, before leaning your head into his hand.

"You of course" Geto said, brushing his thumb over your cheek.

"It's probably just a momentary slump, I'll be fine in a week, hopefully..." you sighed.

"I hope so too, but I'm still going to be here for you, since you're not fine now"

"Thank you" you sniffled, before hugging him so hard and suddenly he almost fell over.

"It's okay, I'm here" he said, hugging you close.

You'd always felt safe with him. You'd always felt like you could tell him anything, so why was this so hard? He knew about your previous troubles with psychosis, so why was it so hard to tell him you were having a more active episode again. It had been a few years since the really bad phase, but it's not like the symptoms had ever completely gone away. Your mind was starting to act up again, and it was scary as hell. Not being able to trust your own brain was scarier than any curse.

"I'm having trouble again Suguru. I keep hearing sounds and seeing things. I'm scared and paranoid constantly and I don't know what to do" you muttered into his shoulder.

"That explains why you've been so anxious and stressed lately. How long has this been going on?" he asked

"About a month" you admitted as you took a step back from him, grabbing his hand and holding onto it.

"A month? Why haven't you said anything?"

"I was hoping it would go away, but it seems that's not the case" you looked down at his hand and squeezed it.

"Oh love" Geto sighed. He didn't sound angry, more like a bit disappointed that you hadn't come to him about this.

"I didn't want to burden you. I know there's big things coming up that you have to prepare for, and I really was hoping this was just a fluke" you sighed and looked back up at him.

"I'm gonna stay home the rest of the day. We can talk about what's been going on with you" Geto said, squeezing your hand back.

"I know you have a lot to do, so thank you for staying with me" you smiled tiredly.

"I need you to be well, that's also a big priority of mine. I hope you know that" Geto smiled that gentle close eyed smile of his.

"I appreciate the reminder" you chuckled.

Your stomach started to rumble, which made you realize you hadn't eaten since last night.

"Hungry?" Geto smirked.

"Yes, but the fridge is pretty much empty" you noted motioning towards the kitchen.

"I'll tell one of the monkeys to go get us some things from the store. What would you like?"

"Food. I don't really have any particular cravings right now, so pretty much anything will do" you shrugged.

"While I take care of that, you look like you could use a shower" Geto suggested.

"You're probably right, I'm gonna go do that" you yawned and stretched your arms towards the ceiling, before disappearing around the corner.

After a couple of minutes, Geto heard the shower turn on. He leaned on the kitchen counter and hung his head back. He could finally relax and exhale the breath he felt like he'd been holding in for days. He wasn't happy that you were having trouble, but he was glad you had finally told him what was going on. Now he didn't have to guess anymore. He just wasn't sure what he could do for you. He was going to be there for you the best he could, that was a given, but he couldn't be with you 24/7. He just had to believe you would be okay. The bad times had always passed before, so surely this would as well.