JJK Oneshots

Old habits die hard (Gojo)

A/N: A thing with reader struggling with selfharm urges and some comfort for that, basically me dealing with my own issues by rambling in fanfic form... again

The urge was pretty much always there, every day. Even though you had been clean for a long time now, the urge was still there. Every time something went wrong, the first solution your brain offered you was: "Hurt yourself". Every fucking time.

You hadn't done it, you didn't want to, but the urge never seemed to really go away. It wasn't like it was an active thing, but every time you encountered disappointment or hardships, which seemed to be all the time nowadays, there was a momentary thought of how harming yourself would resolve all your problems. You knew it wouldn't but your brain kept falling into old patterns.

Fighting the constant urge was exhausting, it took so much energy everyday and you were getting tired of resisting. Sometimes you started to wonder if it was even worth it, but then, everytime he came home safe, every time you saw him light up when he saw you, it felt a bit easier to keep going. Your Satoru, your light in the darkness.

You were having a particularly bad evening, waiting for Gojo to get home while making dinner. The knife you were cutting vegetables with flashed in the light of the evening sun, and you had to stop to stare at it. It wasn't particularly sharp, you hadn't sharpened it in some time for exactly this reason. You didn't want to make it easier for yourself to give in.

You weren't sure how long you had stood by the counter when you heard the front door open. You were lucky you hadn't put anything on the stove yet, since it would have surely burned while you stood there in a daze.

"I'm home!" Gojo greeted you excitedly as he closed the front door.

"Hey" you greeted as you heard his footsteps coming closer behind you.

Gojo placed his hands on your waist and leaned down to whisper in your ear: "And how is my beautiful partner doing today?"

"Honestly?" you sighed, turning to face him.

"Yeah of course" you could hear the worry in his voice already.

You looked up at him, noticing he was basically scanning you with his eyes. Looking for signs of what could be weighing on your mind. Gojo lifted you up so you were sitting on the counter with him in front of you.

Gojo had had a feeling something was going on for a while now, but he hadn't been able to put it together.

You didn't blame him for not knowing what was going on with you. He was a busy man, constantly going on missions and having to be away from you and your home, and being a teacher too. You knew he cared, but how could he know what was wrong with you when you were hiding it from him?

"What's wrong doll?" Gojo asked, looking at you intently.

"I'm not having a good day to be honest. It's just... I really want to hurt myself again, and I'm having a hard time resisting that urge" you sighed, not being able to look him in the eyes.

"Hey, it's okay" Gojo said gently, lifting your chin so you would look at him. "Talk to me about it, please?"

"Every time something goes wrong or I feel upset, my first thought is to hurt myself. I don't know how to get rid of that thought pattern and it fucking sucks. The only thing that helps even a little bit is distracting myself by doing something else" you chuckled wryly.

"How can I help?"

"Just... I wish you were here more, so I could talk to you. I get that you're busy, and I don't mean that you should neglect your other duties because of me, or that this is in any way your fault, but I do miss you... a lot" you explained.

"Oh doll, I wish you'd told me sooner" Gojo shook his head with a sad smile, before pressing a kiss on your forehead. "But I'm glad you told me now"

"Yeah, me too"

"I can't really promise I'm gonna be able to be around more, but I'll try to make more time for us. I miss you too. I'm also gonna start calling you like five times a day to make sure you're doing okay" Gojo smirked.

"And I'm gonna start to not pick up half your calls" you stuck your tongue out at him jokingly.

"Hey, that's mean" Gojo frowned.

"Aaaw, I'm just teasing you, you big baby" you giggled and booped his nose with your finger. "But seriously, I appreciate it. Just promise me you won't freak out if I don't answer the first time. I might be at the school or on a mission, and I'm not able to answer my phone in the middle of a fight unlike you"

"Good point, good point. I'm gonna keep calling you until you pick up though, but not like spam calling. I wouldn't do that..."

"Oh yeah, of course you wouldn't" you rolled your eyes and draped your arms over his shoulders, looking into his crystal blue eyes.

Gojo moved as close to you as he possibly could while you sat on the counter. He leaned his forehead against yours and both of you closed your eyes, your arms still draped over his shoulders. You were just relaxing against one another finding comfort in each other's arms.

"Hey Satoru?" you asked.

"Hhhmm?" he mumbled.

"Thank you for loving me, even when I'm a pain in the ass" you opened your eyes and leaned back a little.

"Of course, but could you promise me not to hide yourself when you're in pain? It's unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone. We're supposed to share our hardships, remember?" he answered, placing his hand on your cheek.

You leaned your head against his hand and looked at him adoringly, making Gojo's heart flutter. He worried for you every day, he couldn't help it, he loved you after all.

You placed your hand over his and kissed his palm before nodding in agreement. He always took such good care of you.