[𝟏] 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨 | 𝐟𝐤&𝐜

Chapter 20: Dear John ★

Ronnie's POV:

As I sat across from Tanner in the cozy little café, I couldn't help but feel a knot of guilt tightening in my stomach. The memory of kissing John the day before lingered in my mind, and it weighed heavily on my conscience. Ronnie, what have you done?

Tanner smiled at me, his eyes filled with warmth and affection. He was such a wonderful guy, always there for me, always making me feel special. But deep down, I knew I was keeping a secret from him. I still had feelings for John, despite all the pain he had caused me in the past. I was in denial, refusing to acknowledge that part of me that longed for him.

I tried to push those thoughts aside as I reached across the table to hold Tanner's hand. I wanted to show him how much I appreciated him, and how grateful I was for his presence in my life. I hoped that my gestures of kindness would somehow make up for the turmoil brewing inside me.

Tanner's smile widened, and he squeezed my hand gently. "You're amazing, Ronnie," he whispered, his voice filled with love. "I'm so lucky to have you."

My heart ached at his words, knowing that I was betraying his trust. I wished I could tell him the truth, to confess my lingering feelings for John. But the fear of losing Tanner, the fear of hurting him, held me back. So instead, I played it off nervously, laughing at his jokes and diverting his attention whenever the conversation veered close to the subject of my ex.

As we finished our coffees, Tanner leaned in close, his breath warm against my cheek. "Ronnie, I have something special planned for us tonight," he said, excitement dancing in his eyes.

I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. How could I let myself be swayed by the thought of spending time with John, knowing that Tanner had put so much effort into planning this date? I knew I had to make it right somehow, to show Tanner that he meant the world to me.

"Really? What is it?" I asked, my voice tinged with a mixture of excitement and apprehension.

Tanner's eyes sparkled as he leaned back, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. "It's a surprise," he teased. "But I promise you'll love it."

As we left the café, I tried to push away the thoughts of John that threatened to consume me. I wanted to focus on Tanner, to give him my undivided attention. But every step we took, every laugh we shared, was overshadowed by the guilt that clung to me like a shadow.

Throughout the evening, Tanner continued to shower me with love and affection. He held my hand, opened doors for me, and whispered sweet compliments in my ear. But with each kind gesture, my guilt grew stronger, gnawing at my conscience. It was as if I was betraying Tanner with every smile I gave him, with every laugh that escaped my lips.

As the night wore on, I realized that I couldn't keep living in denial. I couldn't continue to let my feelings for John cloud my judgment and hurt the person who truly cared for me. I needed to confront my emotions, to face the truth head-on.

But for now, I would do my best to be present, to appreciate Tanner and the love he had shown me. And perhaps, in time, I would find the strength to let go of the past and embrace the future that awaited me.

~~~

I walked through the front door of my house, the weight of the evening pressing down on me like a heavy burden. The conflicting emotions swirling inside me had reached their breaking point, leaving me exhausted and emotionally drained. I made my way to my bedroom and collapsed on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, lost in a sea of thoughts.

Who do I truly love? I asked myself, my heart aching with uncertainty. Tanner, who has been nothing but kind and loving towards me, or John, the one who had hurt me so deeply in the past but still managed to stir up a whirlwind of emotions within me?